How To Shift Your Inner Dialogue to Feel Amazing in Your Own Skin and Create Your Most Vibrant Life when you transform self-loathing into self-love
Have you ever looked in the mirror and wished that you could just love what you see?
Instead, do you feel like you never feel like you have the right body, and you wish you could just change this or fix that…?
Or maybe you don’t like your face. Maybe you feel too old, too young, too short, too tall…
Your eyes go straight to the features you’re desperate to change.
“If only I had bigger eyes, a smaller nose, fuller eyelashes, slimmer waist… then I’d feel good about myself” – you repeat to yourself every time you look at your reflection.
Ultimately, you end up feeling like you are never enough…
And you really wish that you could shift that.
You’re not alone – millions of women battle with self-loathing every day.
The good news is that you can transform self-loathing into self-love!
But first, let’s identify what exactly is this self-destructive habit and why it happens in our lives – and then I’ll take you through 4 simple ways to start feeling good in your skin.
So we’ll start from the beginning…
What Is Self-Loathing?
If you’re like most women, you don’t remember when your inner critic started pouring such harsh words into your ear.
At times, these negative feelings are a result of growing up in an environment where abuse was common, or after some childhood trauma.
But that’s not the only cause for self-loathing. The constrictive standards’ society imposes upon women makes it hard not to internalize at least some of the outer chatter we hear, from a very young age.
This internalized criticism doesn’t always come from a horrible person, or even a bad person. Many times are the voices of people that surround you throughout your life…
Maybe your ballet teacher said something about your weight when you were five, perhaps your father criticized you at thirteen, and you watched hundreds of movies depicting what the ideal face looks like all throughout your life…
Fueling the toxic chatter of your inner critic.
Eventually, self-loathing takes over our life – making us see ourselves in a constant negative light.
This is because self-loathing is a cognitive distortion. We don’t see things just as they are, but only through the lens of our inner critic.
What To Do When You Don’t Like Yourself
After reading this, you may think, “Is it just me? Isn’t it the way everyone speaks to themselves? Is it normal?”
Self-loathing is more common than you think, and it can happen to anyone.
But even though many people let their inner critic run rampant, it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can change your inner dialogue and empower yourself to create and live a life you love – a confident, vibrant, healthy life you love in mind, body, and spirit.
To quote my mom and the owner of Brave Thinking Institute, Mary Morrissey:
“The content of your life is the curriculum of your evolution.”
So if you catch your inner critic talking to you once again, it’s okay.
We can shift our perspective – what if this tendency for self-loathing is actually a call for greater spiritual awakening, a true transformation on the highest level?
That’s what we’ll be exploring and unpacking today.
Negative Beliefs, Self-Loathing, and Why It Matters
Even though the way we see ourselves in the mirror might seem irrelevant or shallow to some people, this is a critical issue for your happiness…
If you find yourself being less than kind to your reflection, there is a real price to pay for that.
Never feeling enough and not having a sense of self-love impacts every single aspect of our lives. From our ability to be a good parent, attracting love into our life, creating a loving marriage, to charging what we’re worth, going after our dreams, and being as successful as we would love to be.
It severely limits our ability to create the vibrant, full life we want to experience.
I have found this to be true in over 15 years of doing this work and working with thousands of women all over the world. When someone feels an area of their life is far from how they’d like it to be, there’s surely an inner dialogue preventing that from blossoming into its full potential.
Not to mention that negative feelings about body image contribute to troubling health issues, such as eating disorders.
An estimated 30 million Americans (including 10 million boys and men) experience them at some point in their lives, according to the National Eating Disorders Association.
Health experts have also linked the feeling of inadequacy generated by negative self-talk with other disorders, such as substance abuse, or emotional abuse.
That’s why transforming self-loathing into self-love is a key part of our personal growth.
The good news is there are some simple, yet highly effective tools that you can practice in your life to shift self-loathing into self-love – and help you share your gifts with the world in the ways that you would love.
How To Transform Self-Loathing into Self-Love
If left unchecked, we may let our inner critic run our entire lives.
After they become aware of their inner critic, some people turn to therapy to shift this around – but as a transformational coach, I have used powerful ways to help many women overcome this.
Today, we are going to be talking about the four simple ways to transform self-loathing into self-love.
And I’ve created an acronym for you. Four simple ways that spell out the acronym L.O.V.E.
Let’s go ahead and unpack this acronym.
1- Listen to your inner voice.
The letter L stands for “listen to your inner voice.” I believe that we have multiple voices running in our minds. I’m sure you’re aware of these voices. You have the voice that encourages you and supports you. But many times, there’s another voice.
What I find, especially with people that had overpowering or overly critical caregivers (such as parents, coaches or teachers) is oftentimes those negative or bully type voices end up becoming embedded in our mind. They become part of our inner voice.
So the first step is to recognize and notice the different voices in our own mind. Begin to listen to those inner voices.
2- Organize your thoughts.
Our second step is the word O, and that’s to organize our thoughts. Not just let them run like a broken record, but become mindful of them.
Now, your thoughts will usually be in the two different categories we mentioned: supportive or critical. It’s either a thought from your inner critic, or it’s a thought of empowerment or positivity.
Once you listen to them, then you want to pay attention, and ask yourself some questions. Which voice is speaking? Who does this voice even sound like? Is this voice even mine? Is this the voice of truth? Or is this just a programmed voice that doesn’t even actually belong to me?
Perhaps you’ll discover that it belongs to that bully coach that coached you for five years or an overly negative parent that always tore you down.
By asking yourself these types of questions, you’ll start to recognize where these voices come from, and how they got installed in your mind.
Our third step is the V – to visualize, to use the power of the mind. You may or may not know this, but our minds have superpowers. One of these superpowers is the power of visualization.
You want to visualize two things. One is the image of somebody that you love and care about.
You could think of your best friend, your sister, or even a pet. It could be the image of a spiritual teacher if you have a connection to them, perhaps somebody like the Dali Lama, or maybe if you’re Christian, Mother Mary, or anyone you choose.
Now think back of the negative voices inside your head. Ask yourself, would you let this critical voice say nasty things to that person you love, the person you just visualized?
Every single time I ask that question, my clients say, absolutely not.
So the real question is…
Why would you let your inner critic say those same things to yourself?
Which takes us to the second visualization exercise to start shifting this narrative next time it pops up in your head.
When you start hearing your inner critic, use the power of your mind to press pause on this negative voice to organize it in my mind. Next, visualize that negative voice getting very, very small into a tiny little dot.
Lastly, imagine the voice of your best friend or the voice of love becoming as strong, large and loud as you can.
What’s powerful and beautiful about this exercise is that in your mind, anything is possible.
I’ll give you an example of how I began to rewire my inner critic into greater self-love. I would get out of the shower, I’d be looking at myself in the mirror and if I began to hear that dreaded voice, I would use this tool.
I would start by pressing the pause button. Then I’d recognize which voice it was. Usually, it wasn’t really my own voice, although it sounded like me –in reality, it was the suppressed voice of an overly negative person. Back then it would rise up from my subconscious as the voice of an authority figure, like a teacher, or overpowering coach, or negative school bully.
So I’d make this negative voice tiny like a little spec, and I’d flick it off my shoulder. And then I’d focus on the voice of my best friend or a loving spiritual energy – making this energy of love really big and powerful.
If you’re wondering, what would the voice of love say to me at this moment?
That leads us to the letter E…
4- Empower yourself.
We want to empower ourselves with what we call the “results formula.”
You can remember the formula using these letters: T-F-A-R.
The formula is as follows:
Thoughts generate Feelings, Feelings lead to Actions, and our Actions create Results.
As we can see in the formula, if we want to change our results, we must start shifting our thoughts.
This means that if we’re not even aware of the self-loathing inside our minds, that self-loathing will run rampant – generating unhappy, disempowering, maybe shameful feelings. Those feelings will lead to actions that are not in alignment with our goals, creating results that we’re not in love with.
So begin by noticing what you’re noticing, listening to the inner voice, organizing whose voice is this. Visualize shrinking the negative voice into a tiny little speck of dust, flicking it off and expanding in the voice of love. Finally, to empower yourself, imagine how you can create more positive thoughts that lead to expansive feelings – that ultimately generate the results you would love.
How do you do that? By asking yourself “What would my best friend say to pick me up, to motivate me, to inspire me, to encourage me?”
After that, think “How would I feel after listening to those words?” Feel that feeling in your body.
Based on that feeling, “What action would I take?”
Maybe you’d eat something healthier today. Take a little time and go for a walk out around the corner or dance to your favorite song. Perhaps you’d schedule that doctor’s appointment, or the massage that really is an alignment with your health, wellbeing and self care.
Don’t Compare Yourself To Others And Focus On Your Strengths
Finally, there’s something I’d like to warn you about.
When you’re in the process of shifting your negative self-talk, your inner critic may become more vocal than ever – it doesn’t want to lose its power over you!
One of the ways we can easily miss how amazing we truly are is by comparing ourselves to others…
Which is why this is one of the favorite methods of our inner critic to bring us down!
So anytime you hear the overly critical voice in your head comparing you to someone else, go through the exercise I just shared with you – and focus on your strengths!
That’s right. There are so many unique (and great) things about you, that no other person has!
Make it a habit of remembering the positive things others say about you, and taking compliments with grace. Look at the mirror and focus on at least one feature you like about yourself.
You’ll see how your energy and self-image start to shift!
Take The First Step to Transform Self-Loathing into Self-Love and See Yourself at Your Best
For many women, being overly critical of ourselves is an old habit – and it can be incredibly challenging to shift!
I know that from experience, which is why I made it my mission to help you love yourself more deeply.
As the Founder and Director of Brave Thinking’s Health & Wellbeing division, I have the absolute pleasure of supporting women from all over the world, in shifting the overly powerful, negative inner critic that leads to self-loathing and never feeling enough.
And after coaching thousands of women for many years, I’ve learned multiple techniques, and I’ve seen what generates the fastest, deepest shifts.
Which is why I created a gift for you – a special kit that will help you easily shift your self-loathing into more self-love, confidence and appreciation of yourself:
With this kit, you’ll feel more confident in your body and more radiant, vibrant and alive in your life.
Thanks to the powerful combination of an insightful eBook and a relaxing guided meditation, you’ll release feelings of unworthiness, deepen unconditional self love, and create more vitality from the inside out.
If you have an overly active inner critic and you’d love to treat yourself with a little more love and feel great in your own skin, this kit is perfect for you!
>>Download your Free Confidence Kit here.
Now, we would love to hear from you – do you have some tips that helped you transform self-loathing into self-love?