So many of us have been taught to believe that we need to rely on someone else to feel cherished, honored, or loved – especially on Valentine’s Day.
I have so many clients who tell me how they just dread Valentine’s Day because they don’t end up feeling the way they would love to feel. They don’t receive gifts, beautiful flowers or cards, and if they’re single, they especially dread this day because it’s “in their face” that they don’t have a romantic partner.
But what if Valentine’s Day could have a whole new meaning, and you could actually look forward to this day no matter your relationship status?
I want to get right to the heart of this question and help you re-envision Valentine’s Day. But this teaching goes beyond any holidays.
Together, we’ll talk about ways to cultivate self-love so you can discover which ones speak to you the most, magnetize more love in your life, and feel loved no matter what the calendar says.
So let’s start redefining how we celebrate love and learn five powerful and FUN ways to be your own valentine!
How Can I Be My Own Valentine?
There’s a lot of pressure around what Valentine’s Day “should” look like. Grocery stores are filled with heart-shaped balloons and gift baskets, restaurants promote “date-night” specials, and social media is full of big, romantic gestures.
Because of this, it can be easy to feel dread, lack, or even loneliness. However, I want to encourage you that you can transform your self-loathing into self-love by embracing what makes you feel honored, cherished, and appreciated.
If that sounds new or difficult at first, that’s okay. You’re in the right place. I’m about to share a simple and intuitive way to tune into your body wisdom and celebrate love as the divine, spiritual being you are. Not based on pressure and expectations, but based on your love language and what feels best for you.
Be Your Own Valentine by Understanding Your Love Language
Let’s start off by unpacking the 5 love languages. This isn’t so much about learning how to express love to others or for others to express love to you, but instead how these love languages can help nurture unconditional self-love for you!“
The 5 Love Languages” is a best-selling series written by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. The book has sold over 20 million copies worldwide and has been translated into 50 different languages. It’s definitely struck a chord around the world.
Essentially, your primary love language is how you feel and receive the most love. It’s important to note that just because you have a primary love language doesn’t mean you don’t respond to any of the other ones. It just means you have a preference!
You can take the “5 Love Languages Quiz” or review them here to discover which one resonates with you most:
1. Words of Affirmation:
You feel the most love when you receive genuine compliments, praise, encouragement, and other verbal expressions of affection, appreciation, and acknowledgment. An affirmation letter or detailed love letter to yourself is one loving experience you could gift to yourself!
2. Acts of Service:
You experience love best when someone goes out of their way to do something for you like chores, errands, or other ways to lend a helping hand. This is especially true when they do something you particularly don’t enjoy doing yourself and ease the burden of responsibility.
3. Receiving Gifts:
You respond best when you receive gifts because they represent a physical symbol of thoughtfulness, effort, and love. It’s about treasuring meaningful gifts and the investment of time and energy.
4. Quality Time
Focused, undivided attention makes you feel the highest form of love. This means turning off any distractions and being present in the moment in whatever you’re doing. A celebration of love could be something as simple as the gift of sleep or the gift of space.
5. Physical Touch
In this case, love is best expressed through physical touch. This includes all forms of physical touch, from a subtle touch of the arm and holding hands to cuddling and sensual pleasure. A great expression of self-love with physical touch could boost your body image and encourage a healthy life.
As we explore each one in detail, I encourage you to pick and choose from all the love languages in whatever way feels best for you. At the end of the day, expressing self-love isn’t just meant for a single day out of the year.
Make a habit out of celebrating yourself on a regular basis and upping the ante on self-love.
For example: Instead of waiting on a romantic relationship, enjoy taking yourself on a date at least once a month or creating a morning routine that speaks to your mind, body, and soul!
At the very least, I would recommend paying attention to your primary love language and then giving yourself the gift of love this month. Not for somebody else, not someone else doing it for you, but giving yourself the gift of love in your specific language.
With that said, let’s start with the first love language – words of affirmation!
Celebrate “You” with Words of Affirmation
One way you can be your own valentine using words of affirmation is by writing yourself a love letter. The goal is write it in a way that appreciates you for all that you do for others and for all that you do for yourself in general.
One of my favorite versions of a love note is what I call the “wins list”!
It’s a list of all the things that you feel really great about. It could be things that you’ve accomplished in your life, or anything you’ve done that helps you remember who you are and why you matter.
This is a simple but powerful gift for those with a busy life, especially if you’re looking to increase your sense of career and life empowerment!
I encourage you to write about what you’re already proud of doing in your daily life. You could even reflect on all your accomplishments from a favorite decade of life! Feel free to pull your wins and success stories from anywhere and anytime.
And if you’d rather not write, you could always record a voice note to yourself.
Alternatively, if you’re a fan of affirmations, write them on post-it notes and stick them on your bathroom mirror or spread them around your house. You could even place them in a jar and take one out each time you need a little “pick-me-up” throughout the day.
However you decide to pour into your cup of love, choose kind, brave words to feel heard. And one of the easiest ways you can make the time to listen to yourself is by creating your own affirmations and repeating them daily.
Make Your Valentine’s Day Special with Acts of Service
With all the instant services available to us in our day and age, why not use them to make your Valentine’s Day as easy and special as possible for yourself?
You could hire a chef to make a meal for you or get your favorite meal delivered to your door.
Maybe you could hire professional help for cleaning and organizing your space. How about getting your car cleaned and detailed, or planning ahead to have someone watch your kids for the day?
As a good rule of thumb, ask yourself: “What’s something I normally do that someone else could take care of for me?”
Whatever the answer may be, lean into that energy and see what you can do with what you have, from where you are!
Gift Yourself a Symbol of Love
If receiving gifts is your primary love language, tap into your curiosity and explore what you would consider to be a symbol of love. Perhaps it’s a necklace, a dress, or even creating something for yourself like a scrapbook or video montage!
I don’t know about you, but anytime I buy myself fresh, clean, amazing undergarments, I just feel so loved and so much better. So maybe you buy yourself some new undergarments!
You could even frame a picture, letter, or item that represents a symbol of love.
Ultimately, think about something that you would really love. For example, I bought a ring as a symbol of a business accomplishment. I took myself to the mall, went to the jewelry store, found the ring I loved, and purchased it for myself. And I felt so loved, appreciated, and really, really great about giving myself that gift!
Find what makes you smile and fills your heart, you deserve it. That’s one way to serve yourself and be your own valentine!
Spend Quality Time with Yourself
What would it look like for you to invest quality time in yourself?
Keep in mind that going out and having a good time with yourself doesn’t have to wait for a single day of the year.
Maybe you sleep in until you wake up without an alarm (gift of sleep). Or, schedule time to just do what you love (gift of time).
How about engaging in hobbies like seeing a movie by yourself, without having to wait for someone else to do these activities with?
If you enjoy the simple act of grocery shopping or a good movie, make it a solo trip and indulge in your own presence! Create your own love story by visiting your local florist, buying your favorite flowers, and enjoying a quiet moment with a good book.
Eat what you would love, go where you would love, and luxuriate in time doing what you love. You could start small (like 30 minutes) and work up to a half-day, a whole day, or maybe even a whole weekend or longer!
For example, during one of our company meetings, our Operations Director talked about how she’d always wanted to go to Italy. So, she scheduled a trip to Italy all by herself. And she talked about how brave that was, how accomplished she felt, and how amazing it was that she gave herself that gift.
You could do the same for yourself! Maybe you don’t feel ready to take an entire adventure by yourself, but you can always do something local or what you’re already familiar with. Remember to follow what feels right for you and fills your cup!
Practice Self-Love with Physical Touch
February 14 can set some high expectations when it comes to physical touch. So when you’re single on this particular day of the year, it can be easy to stay on the same energetic level of our negative thoughts.
And as Valentine’s Day approaches, lots of people feel like they have to meet new people just so they can find someone to share the day with.
But if your love language is physical touch, know that a happy Valentine’s Day does not require a romantic love interest.
Instead of focusing on how much fun it would be “if you just had somebody”, think about how you could really lean into showing love for your own body temple during this time of year!
There are multiple ways to enjoy physical touch, and one of my favorite things to do is enjoy a spa day with a massage or facial.
There are so many modalities, methods, and experiences to choose from. You could do reflexology on your feet, a chiropractic session, or a full-body Swedish massage.
If you’d rather keep to yourself, you could set up your bathroom tub with candles, and enjoy luxuriating essential oils or a bubble bath. Another simple tip to express self-love in your daily life is having a relaxing skincare routine.
If you’re a man, maybe you could go get a shave and a massage on your scalp, get your hair washed and cut, or reflexology or massage.
Remember that your plans don’t have to include new things or experiences. You can do what you’re already familiar with and love doing.
Whatever cultivates acceptance and appreciation for your body temple is a great way to cultivate true love for yourself and others!
Be a Brave Thinker on Valentine’s Day!
So these are the five ways that you can be your own best valentine. And the common hour way of looking at this is, “somebody else needs to ‘love me for me’ to feel love during this month of love.”
But the Brave Thinking™ way to think about this is to say, “I can be my own best friend and I can be my own best valentine!”
I invite you to think about, dream into, and create the love that you seek and desire. And the more you are loved and feel loved, the more you magnetize love to and through you in your life.
If you loved these ideas and would like to feel even more tuned into your body confidence and self-care, I have a wonderful gift for you:
The e-book and guided meditation included in this gift will help you feel confident, beautiful, and loved from the inside out! I’ll lead you through a five-minute, spiritual journey that will energize your mind, body, and soul, and help you tap into your love languages.
And as you discover how to express self-love in deeper, ever more radiant ways, I encourage you to take this message with you beyond the holidays. There is always a reason to celebrate who you are and all that you offer to the world as the divine, deserving spiritual being you are!
To cultivating self-love and care,
Jennifer Joy Jiménez