You like this guy, but he’s moving too quickly and you feel a little uncomfortable. What do you do?
This happened recently for one of my coaching clients. She met a great guy online and they got on well. But after he had asked her out for a date, she noticed that the conversation was starting to get a little bit too sexual.
He would say things like,
“Hey, maybe after our date, we can come back to my place and hang out?” And she thought, “Hmm, he’s not overstepping the line… but maybe he’s expecting sex straight away.”
If you’re in the same boat, I’ve got a simple, 3-step formula you can use to slow things down to a pace you feel comfortable with… while keeping the attraction as high as you want!
And if you’d prefer to watch and listen rather than read, check out the video version here:
Still with me?
Here’s the 3 step formula for when a guy you like talks about sex too early…
1. Affirm interest in him: “I’m really enjoying our connection.”
The first thing to do is affirm your interest in him. This means sharing that you like him, and are enjoying the connection. The reason for doing this is that it lets him know you’re not completely turned off or disgusted by what he’s saying. You’re just going to tell him that the timing isn’t right.
So when you find yourself needing to address his behavior, you can start by saying something like,
“Hey, I’m really enjoying the connection we’re sharing,” or “I’m really enjoying my conversations with you, but…”
This enables you to follow with a rejection of his advances without him feeling like the connection is going nowhere.
2. Set The Boundary: “The conversation is getting a bit sexual for this early on”
After you’ve affirmed your interest by saying you’re enjoying your time with him, follow up with something like:
“… And this is getting a bit too sexual for me right now.”
This let’s him know that you’re not completely against the idea of being sexual, it’s just that it’s too early on for you to feel comfortable about it.
When you frame the rejection in this way, you’re basically reassuring him that you would like things to progress in that direction, but only when the timing is right for you.
This demonstrates that you’re a strong woman who respects her own boundaries and that you’re looking for a man who can treat you with the respect you deserve.
3. Set Expectations: “I reserve sex for someone with whom I’m in a committed relationship.”
After setting the boundary, the next step is to say something along the lines of:
“I appreciate the thought, but this is something I save for someone I’ve been on many more dates with” OR “…something I reserve for when I’m in a committed relationship.”
After you’ve followed these 3 steps and confirmed he has the correct expectations, you can finish with:
“Do you still want to meet up?”
This is a powerful step because it shows him that there’s no reason to be embarrassed and that if he earns the right to have a committed relationship with you, then it’s game on! In his mind, he’s now clear that you can have an amazing sexual relationship together, but only when the timing is right for you.
Most of the time when you say “do you still want to meet up?”, he’ll respond with an apology followed by “absolutely, I still want to meet!” He can see that you’re a high value woman who has clear boundaries and is worth waiting for.
So there you have the 3 steps that enable you to slow down his advances while still keeping him interested in you.
If you want more guidance on this, or you feel you need additional support on finding a high quality man who respects your needs…
I encourage you to check out my Manifest Your Man program. In the program we go deep into the hardwired psychological triggers that all men need to fall in love. Learning these will enable you to create effortless attraction and connection, and have a great guy chasing after you!
A Caution Before Taking Action…
This 3 step formula isn’t to be used for guys who are clearly just in it for sex. If you notice that’s all he’s interested in (and you don’t want that same thing), then I encourage you to just cut that guy loose.
These 3 steps are only to be used for the guy who you have a great connection with, and who genuinely expresses emotional interest in you. The guy who actually wants to work towards building a connection, but just talks about sex too early or starts to get a little bit too sexual early on.
When used the right way, with the right guy, this 3 step formula is the perfect way to make sure the pacing of the relationship is where it feels comfortable for you, without discouraging his feelings.
Now my question for you is “What do you do to slow things down, but still keep the attraction high?”
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below. Here’s to your amazing love life!