3 Powerful Steps You Can Follow to Release Pain, Anger or Resentment from the Past, and Move into a Happier, Freer and More Joy-Filled Future
Before I was a transformational life coach, I was a counseling psychologist for many years.
After counseling many individuals and couples from a psychological framework, I learned that most of us tend to rehearse the pain of our pasts over and over again, hoping that if we relive it enough, it will go away.
But in truth, facing pain from the past in this way actually only drives it deeper.
As I began to study transformational principles more deeply, I realized that trading a painful story for a more empowering, uplifting and inspiring one was a much more effective way to heal and release pain from the past.
Release Pain From The Past
No matter how it got there, or how long it’s been there, you CAN release the pain.
One of my clients was a 30-year-old woman who told me an incredibly sad story from her childhood.
One day, her father rounded up the whole family, took out a gun and threatened to shoot them all, including himself
After dragging this scenario out for hours, leaving his wife and children in agony, he eventually let them all go.
My client’s mother immediately took her and her siblings out of the home and away from this man forever.
My client would sit and sob about what a horrific, awful experience that had been for her and her family – and she was right!
It absolutely WAS a terrible situation to have occurred.
The challenge was that, even though it had happened nearly 20 years ago, she still grieved the trauma like it had taken place yesterday.
She had rehearsed the story so many times that it was driving her very BEING, and she carried immense pain when it came to her father, who she hadn’t seen since that day.
We began to talk about her father, and the state of mind he must have been in to have done such a destructive and hurtful thing.
I said to her, “Any time you start to think about him in an upsetting way, try saying this to yourself…”
Nobody acts that way who isn’t carrying A LOT of pain.
The next week she came back and shared that she was feeling much, much better about what had happened. She said:
“I’m strangely feeling compassion toward this man after hating him for 20 years!”
Instead of focusing on how horrific his behavior had been, she’d shifted her mindset to how sad it was that her father’s thinking had been twisted enough to do something so terrible.
She eventually decided to write her father a letter, telling him she understood that he must have been in an immense amount of pain to do what he had done, and that she forgave him, despite carrying so much fear, pain and anger for years.
He never wrote her back, but something else happened…
The feeling of compassion and forgiveness she’d began cultivating within herself grew and grew, until she eventually found that she had no resentment or pain left toward her father at all.
Have you been hurt in the past, and you’re now ready for healing and closure?
Here are 3 steps you can follow to heal your hurt, free your heart and move forward in life!
Decide you’re going to make a change
Decide you’re going to make a change in how you choose to think and feel about the person or situation.
First, before anything else, find a quiet place, take some deep breaths and look down at the relationship or situation as if from above – at a distance.
No matter what happened or occurred that left you feeling betrayed, abandoned or offended, make a conscious choice that you’re going to begin thinking and feeling differently about the situation.
Doing this isn’t about letting the other person off the hook or letting things go right away, it’s merely a way for you to begin experiencing greater freedom around your past, so that it no longer affects you in the present.
By shifting your mindset in this way, you will begin to create an opening, even a small one, that will help to begin the healing process.
Ask yourself what you’ve gained from the experience
Napoleon Hill once said,
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”
Every challenging situation you or I may ever face truly does have silver lining attached to it, even if we can’t see it right away.
The secret to seeing the benefit within every struggle is to shift your mindset about the challenge you perceive you’re facing.
When you think back to the relationship or situation that’s still causing you pain, open your mind and begin contemplating what you could have learned from the experience.
You can always find some good in every situation – you just have to make the choice to see it.
Wish the other person well
Wish the person well in your own mind, no matter how you feel about them!
No matter what you’re continuing to learn from the experience, send out a wave of well wishes toward that person today, regardless of how you may feel about them right now and even if you hope to never see them again.
This may feel difficult and disingenuous at first, especially if pain from the relationship, situation or experience has been with you for a very long time.
But I encourage you to repeatedly go ahead and send out that wave of good vibes, and in time you’ll be surprised that you harbor no more ill will, and that you genuinely do wish the person well.
Remember: There’s a power within you that’s far greater than any circumstance, situation or condition you’ll ever find yourself in.
No matter how profound the abuse or hardship you’ve undergone in the past, you are more powerful than that.
No matter how deep and intense the pain you may feel now, you CAN heal.
Again, forgiveness is something you can do solely on your own, and it’s not ever about the other person – it’s an act of self love that sets you free to move forward into a more expansive, joyful future.
And now, here’s a FREE gift for you!
You CAN release pain from the past, no matter how it got there or how long it’s been there.
And to help you do this, I have an exclusive gift for you – my free “Heal Your Hurt, Free Your Heart” guided audio meditation.
When you listen to this free 10-minute meditation, you will:
- Deepen your understanding of what TRUE forgiveness really is – an act of self-love – and release feelings and emotions that may be holding you back in ways that you may not even consciously be aware of.
- Connect with the incredible power within you that’s far greater than any circumstance that you’ll ever find yourself in. You CAN rise up from even the most challenging situations, just like a phoenix from the flames!
- Begin to experience forgiveness for those you feel have hurt you, so that you can free yourself up to more fully experience and savor all of the love, connection, happiness and peace of mind you desire.
Normally, you can only access this audio download inside my Power of Forgiveness meditation series. But right now, this meditation is my gift to you, absolutely FREE!
Click here to download your free forgiveness meditation now >>
forgiveness cant be achieved on our strengt, we need Gods help to forgive, a person needs to choose forgiveness, in the LORDS prayer its written forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, one needs to forgive to recieve Gods forgiveness, Jesus forgave our sins on the cross.
forgiveness cant be achieved on our strengt, we need Gods help to forgive, a person needs to choose forgiveness, in the LORDS prayer its written forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, one needs to forgive to recieve Gods forgiveness, Jesus forgave our sins on the cross.
I am having a lot of trouble getting closure from cutting my father out of my life- we had a very unhealthy relationship and being not on speaking terms has made it better. I keep having the same dream over and over again, me yelling and screaming at him. My mother said it is because i am just very angry at him and said i needed closure. I’ve been reading websites and talking and writing & i don’t seem to feel any better. Please if you have any other suggestions i am open.
If allowing oneself to forgive is truly the right thing to do after substantial amounts of pain, hurt, emotional and or physical trauma – among many other things, inflicted on us by another person or persons, then why is it so extremely hard to do?
Because you have been hurt while your heart was fully open. Now you are in pain because of that same hurt and it takes time to process all that has happened and why, let alone heal yourself from the pain you are feeling and move on with your life like nothing happened. I know it’s hard but not forgetting what happened will make you stronger not to fall a victim again, while still allowing new people to enter your life. However, forgiving allows you to move on for yourself and not allow your old feelings to cloud your mind with new possibilities.
So don’t allow your feelings to take control over your reality, which is wrong over what really matters. As you matter just as much as the next person and whoever hurt you didn’t put that in consideration. So if anyone hurts you and you haven’t done anything wrong to them, always remember it’s not who you are but whom they are.
Live and Learn, Forgive but do not Forget. As I am sure you heard of the saying, what doesn’t kill us makes us strong. That goes for physical and or emotional, chin up ❤
I have tried so hard to forgive someone very close to me and I am challenging myself every day. I wish them well, the first step to letting this hurt go. Thankyou for your insight….
The first step to letting that go, is forgiving them for yourself. Because all we can do is become stronger by changing ourselves, as there is nothing one can do to change the other person especially if that is only what you want.
Love.
Peace.
Happiness.
Forgiveness.
Without love, there is no true peace and without forgiveness there is no happiness.
This is the best of all your videos that I have seen. It has revealed a significant block that has been holding me back in the past. You are so right about the effect of repeating your story, and this happens a lot in therapy, so you end up reinforcing the pain, not letting go. Now I know that I must take steps in this present moment to forgive the past so I can move into the future.
Very good Mary.
Thank you for you! This video is a great help for me! You have given so many of us a gift to let go of the pain. Best Wishes for you always!
Someone once said to me: “hurt people hurt people”!sorry for not remembering the source. sometimes it is virtually impossible to even think about the person that caused so much pain, but shifting the focus away from the appearance/behavior to who they are in spirit lessens the barrier and allows opening to feelings of forgiveness. to remember not to confuse behavior with being…little by little the barrier lessens and allows more and more light in.
A wonderful thing I forgot. Thank you for reminding me. I passed it on to others in the hope they may gain as much peace and deep breathing that I did.
Just as Linda said above while I was praying to universe to find an answer to the painful life events I open my mail box and saw your message.. I knew I can find it again when I turn to you, Mary.
Thank you
As you were speaking, I had a memory of outright abuse towards me. Something that was meant for evil. How do I let this go and see it in a different light?
Thank you this will make my grieving process a lot easier bless you.
This has really touched me, I at a time I need it d most. Thanx to my friend for sending me this link
Thank you!
Thank you!
Great video, thank you! I’ve been listening to your teachings ever since I bought the 11 forgotten laws 6 years ago and can’t thank you enough for the amazing impact that your work has had on my life! Much Love Xx
I love you, Mary Morrissey. 9 years ago I lay on my bedroom floor, praying for a mentor. An “‘old’, wise woman” who could help guide me through treacherous waves on my path. Shortly thereafter, I “met” you through Tera Warner’s WISH summit. Your teachings helped me to navigate a divorce, economic upheaval, single parenting, and a career transition… to become a teacher, helping others to navigate their turbulent paths. Just last night I was dealing with a painful, old wound from my childhood. And silently called out to the Universe for some guidance on how to let this energy go. And…here you are…in my inbox this morning…with advice on how to let it go. I love the Universe. I love you. Thank you again and again and again for showing up to be my teacher. To mentor me through these challenges. Your teachings move through me and then on to my students, and no doubt on to theirs. You are a beautiful, powerful pebble in the Universal Pond. XO With eternal gratitude — THANK YOU!
who or what is the universal pond……and how is it able to help you ?????
Hi Mary!
I really enjoy your videos and your sharing your wisdom. I really believe you`re a great teacher and hope soon I can start one of your programs.
This episode here has similarities to one of mine and I thank you for sharing it.
Love, Aurora
I’ve done a lot of forgiveness work for myself and with clients. This seemed very effective. Thanks
Thank you so much for this video… It’s funny how this video seems to have come at a time in my life where I want to change myself, my life, the way I look and feel, but more importantly how I just don’t want to hang on to the past anymore – live with no regrets so to speak.. I am going to practice this 7-day exercise…
Thank you!
The words you say is so true
I listen to this on the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. I had a challenging relationship with her at times. I wish for her to be at peace.
way to go not always an easy thing to do.