If you’ve ever felt betrayed by someone in your past, here’s a powerful forgiveness practice my mentor taught me that you can begin applying starting today.
Are you harboring any feelings of bitterness and resentment toward someone you feel may have wronged you in the past?
If you’re ready to finally clear these toxic feelings, so that you can move toward loving all aspects of your life, what you’re about to read will help you do this!
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
Nelson Mandela
As a young woman, I held on to several resentments toward other people that I thought were very well deserved. Like many of us, I sometimes blamed others for some things that, as I saw it at the time, I felt had been “done to me” in my life.
Then, I entered a spiritual path. I began studying transformational teachings, I went to a seminary, and I received a Masters Degree in counseling psychology and began counseling others.
As I continued to grow spiritually, I began to identify and release old resentments that had been holding me back from fully being my best self.
I knew there was still more work to do in my personal development, so that I could bring my best to the people in my life (including coaching clients I was working with), and I intuitively knew that I needed the help of a mentor to do it.
Then, I met and began working with my first mentor, Jack Boland.
Over the course of the first two years that I worked with Jack, one of the pieces of work we did together was to look for any places inside of me where there were still some feelings of resentment.
I knew about the benefits of meditation, but the specific work we did on forgiveness is what struck me the hardest at the time.
Now, I’d done a lot of forgiveness work by this time, yet there were still times when I’d think about someone from my past, or situations that had occurred, and feel a tinge of bitterness, righteous anger, or even victimhood.
You may have heard it said that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
You only end up harming yourself.
I knew that if I wanted to create a life I truly loved, and to have freedom from these painful feelings, I needed to find a way to release these lingering resentments.
Free Forgiveness Meditation
Forgive the past, heal your heart and set yourself free in just 10 minutesDownload Now
Then, my mentor shared a personal development lesson with me that changed my life…
Jack told me that, when he was a young man in his first marriage, he invested everything he had in a business he started with his brother-in-law, Garnet.
Jack was about 30 years old, and he’d even borrowed money from his father in order to start this business.
In this partnership, Garnet managed the money and the business, while Jack was the salesperson. The business was going well for about nine months, then Jack began to receive letters saying that some of the bills of the business weren’t being paid.
Taking a closer look at the company’s finances, Jack discovered that Garnet had systematically taken all of the money out of the business for his own personal use, leaving the business bankrupt.
Understandably, Jack was devastated for several reasons!
All the money he’d saved up in the decade since he’d graduated from college was now gone. The money his father had loaned him was also gone…
And of course, Jack felt betrayed by someone he trusted, who didn’t seem to be bothered by this state of affairs at all!
When Jack confronted Garnet, his brother-in-law simply said, “I don’t know, the money’s gone. I can’t get it back. It is what it is.”
Garnet then abandoned the business and Jack and went on with his life, leaving Jack to pick up the pieces.
Jack struggled with bitterness and resentment from Garnet’s betrayal.
Thankfully, Jack didn’t go bankrupt. He systematically worked for three years to pay off all of the business’ debts. During this time, his marriage disintegrated, leaving Jack to start this new chapter of his life alone.
Jack eventually moved to a new area of the country and entered a different career, speaking and teaching and becoming increasingly successful.
But even though life took Jack in a new direction, he still carried the resentment over what had happened between him and his brother-in-law with him.
Every time he thought about Garnet, even years later, he noticed that he felt resentful and frustrated, like there were a ball and chain around his leg.
By then, Jack had been teaching and helping other people to transform their lives, and he knew that to really take his work to the next level, he needed to clear this resentment toward Garnet.
Here’s the powerful forgiveness practice that Jack Boland used to release his resentment and actually replace it with love
Jack told me,
I’d had years and years of thinking angry, resentful, mean, bitter thoughts about Garnet, and I didn’t know how to transform that.
Eventually, I found myself in my second marriage. I now had a five-year-old son, and I just loved my little boy. Any time I would think of my son, my heart would open, and I would feel this huge wave of love wash over me for him.
One day, an idea came to me. Anytime I thought of my son and felt this build up of unconditional love for him, then in my mind, I would replace the picture of my son with a picture of Garnet.
Once I’d done this, I would say, “Garnet, may you be happy and do well. I forgive you for everything that happened in the past. We were young. And whatever you did with that money, I really wish you well because that’s what I wish for myself and that’s what I wish for all people.”
Jack told me that this exercise was not easy initially.
At first, he found it very difficult to swap the mental image he had of his son with one of Garnet, and to forgive Garnet and wish him well…
But over time and with a lot of repetition over the course of many months, it became easier and easier for him, until he got to a place where he actually did feel he’d let things go and genuinely wished Garnet well.
Then one day, Jack saw Garnet for the first time in years, and the fruits of his forgiveness practice were tested.
A few months after Jack first began his forgiveness practice, he found himself on a business trip back in the city where he had lived during his first marriage and where his business with Garnet had been based.
In his rental car on the way to his hotel, he pulled up at a red light and happened to notice a beautiful convertible with the top down pulled up in the lane next to him.
“Wow, what a beautiful car,” Jack thought. Then, to his surprise, he noticed that the man behind the wheel was his former brother-in-law, Garnet.
Garnet didn’t notice Jack, but Jack sure noticed Garnet, and in that moment, Jack found himself thinking, “Wow, it looks like Garnet is doing really well. I’m happy for him.”
Gone were the feelings of anger and bitterness for this man who Jack had resented for so many years.
The light changed, and the two men drove on, and Jack thought, “Think of the timing. I got off the plane, went to the restroom at just the right time, got in this rental car at just the right time… everything worked out precisely so that I would be in this exact spot at this exact time.”
And the gift in this encounter was that Jack’s response of “Wow, he’s doing well! I’m happy for him” wasn’t forced, it was simply his genuine, natural response.
As a result of letting this bitterness and resentment toward Garnet go, Jack felt he became a much more effective mentor and coach, and a much freer and even happier human being for the rest of his days.
Holding on to a past resentment can stifle your opportunity to live your best life.
Just as Jack was able to release his bitterness and resentment and replace it with feelings of well wishes toward someone he felt had betrayed him, so can you.
By following this simple forgiveness practice, you too can set yourself free from the painful stories of your past, and move forward with loving all aspects of your life and truly sharing your gifts with the world in a powerful and meaningful way.
And if you’ve been holding on to pain, anger or resentment from the past, and you’re ready to let it go, I’ve created a free guided audio meditation to help you begin to experience forgiveness for those you feel have hurt you, so that you can free yourself up to more fully experience and savor all of the love, connection, happiness and peace of mind you desire.
Download your free Power of Forgiveness guided audio meditation here
Thank you, Mary for your wisdom in knowing what we need is to live in love to be free from resentment and bitterness. It’s easy for me to forgive the ones I love and real hard sometimes to even look at people who I still allow to “push my buttons”. I am working on this through prayer, self talk and making an effort to at least try to be civil with them.
Thank you for sharing from your heart, Doreen! It’s all about baby steps. You are on the right path!
I love the tangible and practical approach with this illustration. Thank you so much Mary. I will begin to put this practice in place to let go of some resentment baggage I have held on to, nurtured and owned, feeling I was justified to do so. I am ready to let go of it and now I have the tool to use to help me. Deepest appreciation to you.
It’s our pleasure, Tracy! We are thrilled that you’re ready for expanded freedom in your life. Keep thinking bravely and acting boldly!
I love this. I believe this will add to my forgiveness practice immensely. I am currently using Catherine Ponder’s forgiveness affirmations daily and whenever I become aware of any resentment I am holding and this will definitely add to the liberating results. Thank you.
Way to go and way to listen, Janice! We are so thrilled for your new level of freedom!
Mary, that is amazing Information!!!
I wish I had known that many years ago. I am 85 years old my life is great, but I struggle with resentment for many many rears.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless you Marry.
Mary Ramos
It’s never too late or even late, Mary. It’s the right time for you. We recommend this post: https://www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/blog/life-transformation/live-with-no-regrets. Stay blessed, Mary!
Listening to Mary again has helped me put into motion that I have to forgive those who have wronged me. Those who project on me their own insecurities. I truly wish them well. I need to say this more often than not.
Congratulations, Bren. This is amazing news! Way to go a Brave Thinker!
Thank you Mary for sharing your friend and mentor’s experience. I thought of a man whom I resented for years for being – as I thought – rude to me because he didn’t appreciate that I came from a different culture and was trying to be polite – and he gave me hell for it. I was afraid of him and so never talked it through with him although we worked for the same outfit.
I’ve not thought of him often in recent years – he may have moved on – but I just saw that despite that, I should let him go – and I have. If I saw him now I could with him well and easily.
Bless you and thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Diarmid. We are proud of your new Brave Thinking!
I paid for the audio meditations then went to reg for the workshop then the page went error and I could not get back so now I have paid and got nothing
Thank you for letting us know, Shona! One of our Customer Care representatives is reaching out to you shortly via email to make sure you are able to access the meditations. We know you will enjoy them and look forward to hearing about your results! Have a Brave day, Shona!
that was beautiful mary thankyou /i will continue to follow you and your inspiring wisdom , you have a big heart god bless you xxx
We are sending you blessings, too, Kadin!
This sounds so simple, so logical, but so hard to put into practice, to wish someone well, no strings attached when you’ve been so betrayed, A coincidence maybe it showed up here today, as i’m aware i have such feelings of resentment and betrayal to someone I trusted.
But, I am going to give this an honest effort as I know anything is possible and what Ive been doing so far clearly has not worked.
Thank you for sharing this little pearl. I will give it a positive effort and do it.. Gayle
We believe in you, Gayle! It’s our pleasure to help!
It seems to me that it might really take time to get to this point of wishing an abuser well. If they are continuing to abuse you on a regular daily basis, there’s a need to get that distance first.
Melissa, thank you for sharing! We trust that you are the highest authority in your life and encourage you to follow your intuition, your pace, and sense of safety. Sending you love!
It’s hard to forgive but stress kills. So it better to let it go!
We agree, Reena! Have a Brave day!
Really got inspired and motivated by reading your article.Thank You.
We are happy to hear that, Reena!
Thank you for sharing this one Mary, holding on to resentment seems so natural and at times we perceive gratifying. However the cost of progress is not worth the perceived luxury of resentment.
Thanks,
Franklin
That’s very insightful, Franklin. Stay tuned for more!
Thank you Mary for all of your work. Forgiving myself if what this opened for me.
Thanks Mary–I thought I had been doing much better at letting go of resentment (jealous of what others were achieving, thinking I had not been given a “fair” shake at work, etc.) but this weekend, it all came back and I was in a terrible place emotionally. Then, I had the opportunity to help a friend and the same thing that Jack experienced happened to me. I found myself letting go of the jealousy, the resentment and the emotional baggage that was keeping me from being who I really am–compassionate and loving. This is a wonderful story!
Good video
I had a similar situation just months ago and I’m sure this is the video I was waiting for.
Thank you Mary.
Mary, you are truly a guiding light! Thank you for sharing your remarkable gifts with the world!
Thanks for sharing the video. Over time I have learnt that the people around me had been contributing to me holding resentment and as a result, I have found myself in the same place over and over again. Having this awareness have helped me filter the network/relationships I have and end up with a clear mind on how I approach forgiveness and let those around of my stand. Avoiding people who loves talking of the problem over and over without giving solution has helped me change for the good.
Yes I thought that story was sense of personal growth we may all endure if we are prepared to let go painful, hurtful, emotional past circumstances. As I have matured, aged and experienced life with family, children, friends, co-workers and others, I have realised I allowed myself to create my own reality. I had need, desire, yearning and purpose for these life lessons I was meant to learn, understand, comprehend and discover real meaning of life for myself. These lessons made me stronger, wiser, compassionate, loving lady now close to 60 making me the woman I am today.
The lesson for all of us from this is that carrying resentment around is a greater price to pay than letting it all go.we can use that energy to fuel us to greater things.
Herein lies one of the solutions to the myriad of calamities facing America today. Much appreciation for sharing these valuable ‘gems of wisdom’ ….NAMASTE !