TL;DR — THE SHORT ANSWER
If you’re wondering how to know what you want in life, the answer isn’t found through logic alone. It’s found by learning how to listen to your heart and recognize what truly gives you life.
You can identify what you truly want by:
- Noticing what makes you feel more alive (not just comfortable)
- Imagining yourself on different paths and observing your emotional response
- Choosing options that expand you, even if they stretch you
- Using the Brave Thinking “Dream Checklist” to ensure your desire is truly aligned
When you learn how to listen to your heart, you begin making decisions that align with your true purpose, not just logic, expectations, or the opinions of others.
IN THIS GUIDE
- Why It Can Feel So Hard to Know What You Actually Want
- A Simple Story About Listening to Your Heart
- How to Know What Gives You Life
- How to Listen to Your Heart (A Practical Method)
- The 6-Step Dream Checklist: Is This Truly Your Dream?
- How to Know What You Want in Life (Putting It All Together)
Why It Can Feel So Hard to Know What You Actually Want
Over the many years I’ve been helping people design and create lives they love, I’m often asked, “But Mary, how do I know what I want in life?”
And if you’ve ever wondered the same, here’s what I want you to understand:
You’ve likely been trained to make decisions based on:
- Logic or practicality
- Other people’s opinions
- Society’s expectations
- What feels safe or responsible
And while those can be useful, at times, they don’t lead you to a life you love.
They lead you to a life you can manage. A life that feels “fine”, or as I often say, “good, but not great.”
If you truly want to discover how to know what you want in life, you must learn to make decisions based on something most people were never taught:
How to listen to your heart.
A Simple Story About Listening to Your Heart
My son, Mat, once stood at a crossroads.
He had spent years preparing for a career that looked impressive, logical, and secure. Everything about it made sense on paper. He had gone to school and checked off all the necessary boxes to become a doctor.
But deep inside, there was a quiet voice, barely louder than a whisper, guiding him in a completely different (and surprising) direction.
He didn’t understand it.
He couldn’t justify it.
And it certainly didn’t look like the “smart” choice.
Following this new path would mean possibly disappointing people, far less future financial security, and that the time and money spent on years of college might have been all for nothing.
So he did what most people do… he ignored it.
But the voice didn’t go away.
In fact, it got louder.
Finally, one afternoon, he called me and asked for advice. And the answer I gave him is still the answer I’d give today. In fact, it’s the very same answer I’d give you if you were in a similar situation:
“Choose the path that gives you life.”
And the moment he heard that, he knew what he had to do.
Mat left his aspirations to become a doctor, and instead of continuing on to medical school, he chose to become a teacher.
And that decision changed the entire trajectory of his life, opening up opportunities, connections, and a career path he never could have imagined.
When I share that story, most people are inspired. They don’t question Mat’s decision to leave medical school and pursue teaching, or mine to encourage him to follow his heart, because they can see it all worked out for him.
But to be honest, it can feel a lot more challenging when you’re in the position of deciding without any clear evidence of what the outcome will be.
So, how do you know, especially when you’re faced with real-life choices and real-life consequences, what actually gives you life?
Making Brave Thinking Choices: How to Know What Gives You Life
If you’re wondering, “How do you listen to your heart? How do you even know what gives you life?”, this is where it begins.
Knowing what path forward gives you life doesn’t start with certainty.
It starts with awareness.
Because identifying the things that give you life is a feeling you learn to tune into and become more aware of.
It often shows up as:
- A sense of expansion
- Energy or excitement
- Curiosity or inspiration
- A quiet knowing that says, “This matters”
And sometimes, it comes with fear.
That’s important.
Because what gives you life won’t usually feel easy or comfortable. It will often require you to grow.
What Does NOT Give You Life
As you learn to tune into the feelings that signal “life”, it can sometimes be easier to recognize what doesn’t give you life. You’ll know something is not aligned when it feels like:
- Obligation
- Heaviness
- “I should do this…” or “I’m supposed to…”
- A shrinking or contracting feeling
- Resentment or Anger
Even if it makes perfect sense logically.
How to Listen to Your Heart (A Practical, Vision-Based Method)
As you’re learning how to listen to your heart and choose the paths that give you life, here’s a simple process you can use immediately:
Step 1: Imagine Each Option
Instead of analyzing, making another pros and cons list, or asking people for their opinions, find a quiet space and step into the experience of each choice.
Imagine, as clearly and as vividly as you can, walking down each path in front of you.
Ask yourself:
- What would my life actually feel like on this path?
- Who am I becoming if I choose this direction?
Step 2: Notice What You’re Noticing
Your heart communicates through feeling.
- Expansion = alignment
- Contraction = misalignment
Notice the feelings, body sensations, and thoughts that come up as you imagine each path forward.
Do you feel excited, interested, curious, light, or happy (even if there’s some nervous anticipation or fear)? Do you imagine that this path will help you feel like more of the best version of yourself?
Or do you feel tired, constricted, heavy, indifferent, resentful, disappointed, or sad (even if the choice makes perfect sense on paper)? Do you imagine this path will require you to be a version of yourself you aren’t thrilled to grow into?
Step 3: Ask a Better Question
Instead of “What should I do?”
“What do they expect me to do?”
Or, “What am I supposed to do?”
Practice asking:
“Which choice gives me life?”
“Which choice lights me up?”
“Which choice aligns with who I want to become?”
Step 4: Take a Small Step
Clarity doesn’t come from thinking alone.
It comes from movement and aligned action.
Take a step in the direction you’re leaning toward and notice:
- Do I feel more alive or less?
- Do I want more of this or less?
- Does this feel heavy or light?
Practicing this is how you can begin to trust yourself again.
The 6 Step Dream Checklist: Is This Truly Your Dream?
Now let’s go deeper.
Because not everything that feels exciting is truly your dream.
If you really want to know how to know what you want in life, you need to test your desire.
1. Does It Stretch You?
A true dream will require growth. It will ask you to become more than you are today.
If it doesn’t stretch you, it’s too small.
2. Can You Do It Alone?
If you already know exactly how to achieve it, it’s probably a goal, not a dream.
A true dream will require:
- support
- partnership
- guidance
- trust in something greater than yourself
3. Does It Keep Coming Back?
Real dreams don’t disappear.
They return again and again, sometimes quietly, sometimes persistently.
4. Does It Give You Life (Even Without Results)?
If no one ever applauded you…If there were no guarantees…
Would you still want it? If the answer is yes, you’re getting closer!
5. Does It Require You to Become Someone New?
A true dream is not about what you get.
It’s about who you become in the process.
6. Does It Challenge “What’s Realistic”?
If it fits perfectly inside your current thinking, feels safe, practical, and expected, then it’s likely coming from your past, not your vision.
How to Know What You Want in Life (Putting It All Together)
If you’re still asking, “How do I know what I want in life?”
Here is the truth:
You discover it through a combination of:
- Listening to what gives you life
- Testing your desires against your deeper truth
- Taking action and paying attention
Knowing what you want in life isn’t a one-time decision.
It’s a relationship with:
- your intuition
- your inner guidance
- your deeper self
And the more you build and strengthen that relationship, the clearer everything becomes.
A Powerful Next Step for Knowing Exactly What You Want In Life (and bringing it to life)
You don’t need to have everything figured out.
You only need to be willing to listen… and take the next step.
Because your life isn’t meant to be managed, it’s meant to be lived.
And right now, you have the opportunity to join me at a special live, virtual event to get the structure, support, and guidance to help you find your true vision…and finally see it come to life.
Because that’s exactly what DreamBuilder LIVE Virtual is designed to do.
This powerful 3-day immersion will help you:
- Reconnect with the vision you may have lost sight of (or haven’t yet found)
- Understand what hidden blocks might be unconsciously keeping you from pursuing your dreams
- Learn powerful, spiritual strategies to stay motivated and stay on track with your goals, even when results aren’t showing yet
- Begin creating real momentum in a way that feels aligned, grounded, and real
And, you won’t be doing it alone!
You’ll be surrounded by a global community of people who, just like you, are ready to move beyond frustration and step into a new level of clarity, confidence, and possibility.
Because the truth is:
The path that gives you life is already calling you.
And sometimes, the fastest way forward is to step into an environment that supports your transformation.
Join us for DreamBuilder LIVE Virtual and take your dreams to the next level →
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