Are Your Life Coaching Clients “Shoulding” Themselves Uncontrollably?

In your life coach career, this proven technique will support your clients in using the power of their words to create a freer, fuller and more expansive life!

Many of us learned what was expected of

us, either explicitly or implicitly, from our parents or primary caregivers.

Our parents, for example, may have encouraged us to attend a certain college or pursue a particular career because they believed these choices would leads to greater success in life.

But, follow the path that others have laid out for you instead of tuning into and following what’s in your own heart, and you may find “success” (as it pertains to material wealth and stature), but not necessarily true happiness and fulfillment.

Fast forward to today, and you may find yourself working in a job that you don’t love, but you justify staying because you invested in the education it took to secure that position, or perhaps the benefits are really great.

Your perception may be that leaving to pursue something you’d feel more passionate about would not seem “responsible” to others.

Sometimes, we even dress a certain way for approval.

Have you ever had the experience of actually changing an outfit you loved and felt comfortable in, because of the look on your partner’s or friend’s face when they saw what you were wearing before you left the house?

Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

Many of us live our lives according to someone else’s idea of what our life should look like.

Without realizing it, we can get caught up in trying to fulfill other people’s expectations of what we should feel, say and do, instead of tuning in to what we authentically want to express in this one precious life of ours.

And chances are, you may also notice your life coaching clients living according to other people’s expectations from time to time as well.

As a life coach, your clients come to you because they want support in creating a life that is freer, fuller and more expansive.

Your clients may have tried taking all kinds of action in the past to try and create the results they would love in life without success.

They come to you because they have a longing or a discontent in a particular area of their life.

They want to change some of their results, but they don’t quite know how to go from where they are now, to where they’d truly love to be.

Perhaps their area of longing or a discontent is in the area of their business or career.

Your client may earn a great income or have a fancy title, but what they have does not bring them true happiness and fulfillment.

Perhaps their heart is pulling them in a completely different direction vocationally, but they think, “I should just be happy with what I have! It’s irresponsible or greedy to want more.”

You may also have clients who have a clearly defined, inspiring dream that they want to pursue, such as starting their own business or nonprofit, writing a book or traveling the world…

But, they’ve turned their back on their dream, because they believe that they should be doing something else! This is very common.

So how can you support your clients to stop “shoulding” all over their lives?

As a life coach, you may hear your clients say things like:

• “I should stay at this job even though I’m not happy doing what I’m doing, because I need health insurance.”
• “I have to look for the kind of relationship partner that my parents would approve of.”
• “I must postpone my dream of (insert dream here), because I should focus on these other areas of my life that need attention right now.”

When your clients say things like this, it’s a red flag that they are living according to other people’s expectations.

Any time we come from the frequency of should, we are essentially relying on something or someone outside of ourselves to tell us how to live our lives, instead of just living into what we would truly love to have, be and do.

And for the most part, any time to live according to what others think you should be, do or feel, you’ll never feel truly alive.

There’s a passage in Dr. Seuss’ timeless classic, “Oh The Places You Will Go,” that goes like this:

You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own, and you know what you know,
And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.

As this passage states, you get to choose your own path in life!

One easy way to support your clients in following what’s in their own heart and pursuing their own dreams instead of living life according to their perceived “shoulds,” is to simply change should-related words to “I want to” or “I choose to.” For example:

“I should stay at this job even though I’m not happy doing what I’m doing, because I need health insurance.”

This can be changed to:

“I choose to stay at my current job for 12 more months, while I invest my evenings and weekends in exploring what else I’m passionate about that I can build a career around in future.”

When you laser coach your clients in reframing their should statements in this more empowering way, they are no longer thinking and acting as though their circumstances are more powerful than they are… which creates space for new possibilities and more liberating ways of thinking and being to emerge.

For more step-by-step strategies and proven secrets on how to build a successful life coaching business that makes a profound and lasting difference in the lives of others, and supports a lifestyle that you desire, click here to download my FREE ebook, Are You Meant to Be a Life Coach?