If you think you might be with “the one”… But you’re not sure… read on! This article could save your love life…
“Can I really marry him and spend the rest of my life by his side?”
It can be a scary question, I know!
But the reason most marriages encounter difficulty isn’t because of doubt or worry. It’s actually because of hidden assumptions! Assumptions that each person in the relationship has about what married life is supposed to look like.
These are the subconscious expectations that haven’t been communicated. And if left unaddressed, they can blow up in your face!
That’s why today, I’m going to share with you 10 areas to focus on that will bring you into alignment with your partner before you get married. Learning these will help you avoid the hidden landmines that derail many marriages down the road. When you’re aligned in these areas, the “marriage ride” will be a whole lot smoother!
I’d recommend actually talking through each of these key areas with your partner. Take the time to compare answers, understand where both of you are coming from and make an agreement you can both stick to.
When you’re ready, let’s dive in…
1. Commitment to Honesty
Our first area of focus is honesty. Ask yourself- What is your expectation around communicating your vulnerabilities? Is it safe to be fully honest with each other?
Trust is the #1 key to a thriving relationship. And strong trust is built on honesty, as well as keeping agreements. Secrets kill intimacy, so make a commitment to be fully loving and honest, especially about insecurities or fears you might have.
It’s just green paper… but American financial experts estimate that approximately 41% of divorced couples ended their marriage due to disagreements about money!
A question to ask is: How will you manage your money together? Will you share one bank account, have your own individual bank accounts, or maybe even a combination of both? Most importantly, how will you make spending decisions together? And what level of saving vs spending do you expect?
While some of these may seem trivial, it’s worth clarifying. It might be surprising to find some very different answers! See if you can meet in the middle and come to an agreement that you can both stick to!
Ask yourself, how often would you love to have sex? And what type of sex do you desire? Long love-making sessions, quickies, morning, evening. Are there any fantasies you’d love to fulfill with each other?
Sex is essential to every relationship. When you’re in alignment with these questions, you can deepen that connection in a way you both enjoy!
A strong relationship is in alignment during the mundane as well as the exciting. When living together, think about how you will divide up the chores? What’s the expected timing that chores should be done? Dishes washed the night before or the morning after?
As I’ve mentioned in previous articles and videos, it’s all about “shoveling while the pile is small.”
And I don’t just mean that literally… When we allow the frustration around undone chores to build up, it leads to big blow out arguments down the line.
Create an agreement on a timeline for getting the small stuff done and you’ll feel yourself relax a bit about the dirty dish still in the sink.
These might sound really obvious… but few couples think about their philosophy on religion, discipline or even diet when raising kids.
A close friend of mine actually got into a big fight with his wife over their daughters first birthday. He wanted a sugar free cake because their daughter is only 1. His wife on the other hand, wanted the real deal because this was her daughter’s first birthday!
As trivial as it sounds, they never knew they would be disagreeing over their kids birthday cakes when they were dating!
To avoid conflict like this, ask yourself, how do I want to raise my kids in the future? Is religion important? What discipline style will I use? Are there any diet restrictions?
6. Quality Time
Quality time is a key to keeping the spark alive throughout the relationship. The question to ask is: How much quality time do you want together? Is it enough to have a weekly date night? And if you are living together, what’s a fair reason for alone time?
It’s healthy to have a balance. Being in each other’s space constantly can aggravate and promote tension. But being too distant can force a loss of connection. Create a vision for what you would both love and you’ll be in harmony with each other’s personal expectations.
Do you have expectations for nutrition and exercise? Perhaps it’s a particular diet, or a lifestyle choice. Being in it together makes it easier to achieve your health goals and support one another.
The mention of in-laws can make a lot of eyes roll. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Ask what roles you want the in-laws to play in your lives? How much time do you spend with them? Are they invited over anytime without notice, or do you expect them to call ahead?
Are weekly get-togethers mandatory or voluntary?
Answering these questions will mean no unexpected surprises and will help foster a friendly and welcoming environment for your whole family.
How often are you getting together with friends vs. just hanging out alone? It’s great to be able to spend time together with friends, individually with friendship groups, and alone just as a couple. Try to agree on a balance for each of these that sounds reasonable.
Communication is the key to handling conflict. When you do encounter an argument, how do you plan on handling it? What’s your expectation if an agreement has been broken, or one of you is feeling frustrated? And how do you want to be communicated with when you’ve broken an agreement?
Is storming out of the room and slamming doors acceptable to you, or do you expect each other to stay calm and talk it out?
Having a strategy for communication during these situations of heightened frustration will help both sides to stay calm and resolve the issue in a clear and easy way.
Answers don’t match?! Does that mean the relationship is doomed?
If some of your answers are different, don’t fret…
You don’t have to be aligned in all of these areas to have a great relationship – as long as you create a vision you both believe in, and are committed to the relationship, you can overcome anything that comes your way!
Shhh… don’t let him see this bit. Okay, he can peek. In fact he might like it too!
If you want to understand his answers and know his inner motivations better…
In this program, you will join the top 1% of women who actually understand how men communicate — and you’ll be able to use that knowledge to avoid dangerous relationship pitfalls while building a deeply connected partnership. You’ll know how to build attraction, create connection, and make it last.
And the best part is… Once you learn this, you can never unlearn it. You will ALWAYS have this awareness.
Finally, before I go, I have a question for you…
What advice would you give to someone thinking about getting married? Or, what great advice have you gotten already?
Please share below!