(And Why The Habits Matter Less Than You Think)
When did habits become a competition?
Somewhere along the way, habits went from being practical tools for accomplishing your goals…
To being a flex, or status symbol, showing others in our lives and on social media how evolved we are.
You’ve absolutely seen this before: the too-good-to-be-true Instagram posts about how a new morning routine changed someone’s whole life in a week.
Whether it’s cold plunges…5am journaling…breathwork rituals…or elaborate coffee protocols…
It’s almost as if being seen as someone with “the right” habits has actually replaced the bigger dream we wanted to accomplish in the first place.
Please understand: I absolutely believe the right habits can make a massive, long term difference in our lives.
But asking the question, “What are some ideas for habits to change”, is a little like saying “I have this 18-wheeler full of lumber––what can I do with it?”
The only true answer that can be given is another question: “What are you dreaming of building?”
Because there are 100 different ways a truck full of lumber could be used. But none of them matter if they don’t reflect the outcome you actually want.
In the same way, I could list 100 habits to change right now. But, would any of them change your life without a vision?
Probably not! True habit change isn’t about finding a bunch of stuff to spend 20 or 30 minutes doing everyday, just hoping will someday help.
It’s about deciding what kind of life you want and selecting day to day rituals with the power to take you there.
So instead of looking for “habit ideas” like they’re fun new recipes on Pinterest, it’s worth stepping back and seeing a deeper truth about the role that habits play in our lives.
There’s a fascinating phenomenon in medicine called referred pain.
It’s when you experience pain in one area of your body, but the cause lies somewhere else.
For instance, if you feel a sharp ache in your shoulder, the real culprit could be a heart problem.
Or you might notice tension in your back, totally unaware that it’s coming from your gallbladder.
That’s because your nervous system is wired in such a way that signals from your organs and your muscles sometimes travel the same pathways, tricking your brain about the true source.
What’s remarkable is that while referred pain is widely known in medicine, it’s often NOT recognized in our personal lives.
Take habit change, for example. Most of us have at least one or two habits that we don’t love, but find almost impossible to drop.
For some, it’s emotional eating. For others, scrolling TikTok for hours. Or the habits even show up in deeper ways, like turning to substances or escape habits.
Frustrated, we turn to books and podcasts with advice like this:
- “It takes 21 days to change a habit––just grind it out!”
- “Stack it to hack it. Say your affirmations right after you brush your teeth.”
- “Make it so easy, you can’t say no. 1 pushup, 1 page written, 1 healthy meal.”
These tips may help some, but they don’t always create lasting change because they ignore the true question:
“What’s really driving the habit that you already have?”
Oftentimes, our most challenging habits are being “referred” by something else that’s going on in our lives.
And until THAT shifts, trying to directly change the habit will be about as effective as someone with congestive heart failure getting a Swedish massage.
The good news is, you can change naturally and effectively.
The reason you haven’t yet been able to is often related to one striking fact:
You don’t have a bigger vision for your life that makes healthy, empowering habits feel essential right now.
Instead, they feel like just another “good idea” to try down the road.
When you wake up each day, does it feel like something massively significant and meaningful hangs in the balance based on whether you meditate, take a walk, or journal that day?
If the answer isn’t a crystal clear “yes”, then chances are, the genuine motivation to leave your comfort zone and create new habits isn’t there…yet.
You may even notice yourself thinking: “Sure, I could meal prep better, I could meditate to reduce stress, I could make time to read, I could prioritize my mental health, I could start learning a new language, I could get more fresh air outside…but why?”
Unless your brain can connect these activities with some kind of real and desired outcome –– some vision –– you probably won’t succeed at turning them into a daily habit.
And even if you manage to do them every day for a while, they most likely won’t do anything of lasting significance for you.
For that, you’ll need to connect the habits that you choose with the specific life you want to live.
Ask yourself: “Which habits would truly move me toward a life I love?”
This can be a tougher question to answer than it seems because it requires you to know what that life is.
Remember: this isn’t just about replacing “bad habits” with good ones, or trying to marginally reduce stress.
You’re not picking habits the way high school kids join extracurriculars to look good on college applications.
Instead, think about rituals that, if you started doing them, would meaningfully benefit you on your journey.
The kinds of habits that will accelerate you towards being the world’s number one in creative arts will be very different from the habits that will help enrich your relationship with romance and love.
So, rather than picking habits off a generic list of options, get curious about your own life:
- Think of the last time you performed fantastically at your craft. What were you doing beforehand?
- Recall a period of time when your relationship felt happy and harmonious. What else was going on in your life?
- What do all of your best mornings and evenings have in common? Could you do more of what’s working?
In short: don’t ask which habits are trending. Ask which habits would make it impossible not to become the person you’re here to be!
Most people try to change habits without ever getting clear on the life they actually want. In my free masterclass, 3 Keys to Creating An Extraordinary Life, you’ll uncover the deeper burning vision that makes real change inevitable and sustainable.
This is awesome. you’re a great lady. stay blessed.