4 Essential Strategies to Stop Seeking Approval From Family, Friends, Colleagues, and Even Total Strangers
Do you ever catch yourself wondering what others think about you?
Do you feel like you’re always trying to meet someone else’s expectations, rather than following your own heart?
You’re not alone! The truth is, awareness of what others think is normal. But, when it interferes with what we would love, it can make it challenging to live to our fullest potential.
Many of us struggle with the impact of people’s opinions on our mental health, personal life, and career path. In fact, we make decisions solely to gain what they think is love, respect, or acceptance from family, colleagues, friends, and sometimes, even total strangers.
But… It’s possible to break free and start doing what you truly love. Let’s explore some empowering strategies to help you stop caring about what others think and embrace your purpose and passions!
Strategy #1: Understand Why You Care So Much
Why do we care so much about what others think?
This question is more complicated than it seems. Maybe it’s because of the way we were raised, or perhaps it’s due to the pressure from friends or family. Social media also plays a significant role, constantly bombarding us with images of ‘perfect’ lives that we feel we must emulate.
The first step in caring less about others’ opinions is to understand why they matter so much to you. Is it a deep-seated need for approval? Fear of rejection? Fear of being alone?
This understanding will help you become aware of when and why you start worrying about others’ opinions.
These triggers could be specific people, situations, or even particular times of the year (like family gatherings or performance reviews at work).
Once you recognize these triggers, you can prepare yourself mentally to face them and develop affirmations, coping strategies, and seek support to remind yourself of your worth and your right to follow your own path.
Strategy #2: Understand the Difference Between Love & Approval
The ultimate goal here is to support you to create a life you love living – not a life others THINK you should be living.
YOU are the one living your life. No one knows what you’d love better than you – not your partner, parent, friend or neighbor.
YOU are the highest authority when it comes to knowing what you’d love.
When I was younger, I was insecure and grew up looking to others for their opinions and approval.
I would ask other people question like:
- “Do you think I can?”
- “Do you think I should?”
- “What would you do if you were me?”
Looking back, I realized I was trading my own power and authority for what felt like love.
But the truth is, there’s an important difference between love and approval. I came to understand that if I lived my life trying to gain approval, I would never really know who I was. I was actually keeping myself from the beautiful experience of being loved for who I am.
Understanding the difference between love and approval helped me to shift my attention from what other people were thinking about me to what I thought about myself.
So, when you notice yourself taking a certain action in order to gain the approval of someone else, remind yourself that it’s not really love. That approval will only bring a feeling of brief satisfaction that won’t last long.
Strategy #3: Focus on What Matters Most to You
Many people replay negative and critical thoughts about themselves in their minds. If left unchecked, these thoughts can cause them to become distracted from what’s most important in their lives.
Thankfully, there IS a way to quiet the negative chatter and get clear about what’s important to you. This clarity comes when you choose to think thoughts of gratitude (here is my 30-second gratitude practice).
Focusing on being grateful keeps your attention and emotions aligned with what it is that YOU desire.
In this way, gratitude helps to magnetize what it is that you want.
One of the ways that you can generate gratitude every day is to list five things you’re grateful for.
For example, you may say to yourself:
- “I’m so grateful to have arms that move when I want them to.”
- “I’m so grateful my children are healthy.”
- “I’m so grateful for clean drinking water right in my own house.”
If you need some help getting started, try thinking about what inspires you.
What are the activities, hobbies, or passions that make you feel most alive?
It may seem simple, but by focusing your attention on what you love gives you the opportunity to integrate more of it into your life.
Strategy #4: Commit to Your Own Values & Growth
In order to grow, you must be willing to change. And one of the best ways to change is to step outside of your comfort zone and start making decisions based on what feels best to you.
When you start making choices for yourself that you feel good about, you’re able to support people to make their own choices, too.
So ask yourself, “What is the goal, dream, or value that I’m serving by making this choice?”
Then make the choice that you feel genuinely good about!
Yes, your relationships with others are important. But, I believe that the best relationships are ones in which you get to be your authentic self.
If authenticity in relationships hasn’t been a priority, or if you were raised to place value in external approval, this practice may feel uncomfortable. But, it will help you begin to build a connection to your own inner guidance system and create more confidence each day.
Powerful Self-Reflective Questions
A fundamental truth in life is that you can’t make everyone happy – and that’s perfectly okay.
Some people might not understand or support your choices, but remember, it’s your life, not theirs. Living for yourself and not for the approval of others is a key step toward genuine happiness.
To keep your focus on track, ask yourself these introspective questions:
- Am I making this choice for myself or because it’s expected of me?
- Does this align with my true passions and interests?
- Am I giving too much weight to someone’s opinion who doesn’t significantly impact my life?
- What would I do if I wasn’t afraid of being judged?
- Is fear of criticism holding me back from pursuing a dream?
These questions are tools to help you recognize when you’re swaying from your path due to external opinions.
How to Start Doing More of What You Love
If you’re used to caring a lot about what others think, it may be somewhat challenging to go after what you want. But remember, feeling stuck or confused is okay some of the time, as long as you don’t remain confused or stuck.
All you need to do is the best that you can, wherever you are.
Life is calling you to move forward, to love more and to go after what matters most to you.
The decision to shift your attention from what others are thinking toward what YOU would love is a sign of growth. This shift will most likely take you to wonderful places in your life.
So here’s a question for you:
What are the activities, hobbies or passions that make you feel most alive and inspired? What commitment can you make to yourself to bring more of those into your life this week?
Share your thoughts with me in the comment section below!
For more proven tips and step-by-step strategies on how to overcome limiting beliefs to create a life you truly love living, click here to download a FREE copy of my “Stronger Than Circumstances” eBook.
This is Cyndi again. I also want to add that I am an artist and always say yes when someone commissions me, even though it may be something I don’t want to paint. I always low ball price when it is a friend as well. Yesterday, I gave a price I thought was totally worth the effort and did not low ball it. They are thinking. I like these people very much but the subject is daunting, so I need to not care what they think. It is up to them. Thank you again.
Good for you, Cyndi! I’m glad you chose not to lowball the price- you deserve to be paid for your time and talents! You can let others choose whether they can afford your work and know that you are worth every penny no matter what they decide.
Thank you. This really spoke to me. I am 75 and often worry when I have been in a group and we are sharing (prayer requests, etc.). I often go home and feel like I shared too much and don’t come home happy, but disturbed. This is the opposite of what should happen in a group of friends. They don’t do it to me, I do it to me. Although sometimes well-meaning friends give their opinions that I don’t appreciate, but I don’t speak up because I know they care for me.
What you shared today is very thought-provoking and I loved it. Thank you
I’m so glad this article found you at the right time. Thank you for being here and for taking the time to share with us!
Thank you Mary, not there yet differently getting much more comfortable just been me and knowing that’s ok.
Knowing it’s okay is the first step! It takes time to practice a new skill like this – you’re on the right track!
thanx, for this topic am influenced and caring what other thinking of me. very helpful to me and I will share you the result after practicing with it. tnx Mary .
Making art. It gives me JOY. I am self taught, and this shows in my work. Your course has opened my eyes to just how critical I am of my work, and how that robs me of my joy. Thank you Mary for enabling me to see this clearer and that I have choices. My joy is more important. I choose Joy so anything other than I gratefully flip off.
Mary is a wise caring mother, She’ sees right through the issue not by logic and knowledge only but life experience. The truth she speaks off can Be the beacon of light the storm which guides back to shore.
Safe sailing everyone.
Thanks, Mary!
Dear Mary, I am living this type of life right now and it’s depressing me so much I can’t seem to shake it. My mother was always saying “children should be seen and not heard” I’m sure you have heard of that one. I am very insecure and I’m 75 yrs. old. I finally faced this and admitted this. Your timely video was perfect for me..Thank you
Let us learn from others but not be in their conformity. It is like how wood may remain ten years in the water but it never becomes a crocodile. We are exactly who we are from within ourselves. Again, whatever others may say or think of us may be the old version that we are ahead of it. Thus, let us not fight the old, but focus on new! It is not in our duty to waste our time with explanations since people only hear what they want to hear, and see what they want to see.
Much love! You are wonderful!
Drawing a good salary for one’s profession every month end.
Holding come-together parties.
Travelling to visit friends and relatives.
Site-seeing.
Physical exercises and aerobics.
Physical well-being’
Great libido and passionate sex.
Spiritual growth and spiritual well-being.