Discover how true success comes from alignment, not motivation, and how to take meaningful action today.
Most people think the key to getting what your heart desires is motivation. Or confidence. Or the perfect productivity app.
But what if it was none of those things—and the real answer was both stranger and simpler than you’d expect?
Last week, I was interviewed by a leadership magazine about building your dreams. The full interview won’t be out for a while, but at one point, they asked me this:
“If someone wanted to take on a major goal—like permanently losing 20 pounds, or writing a book—but wasn’t sure they could do it, where should they start?”
This question cuts straight to the core of what Brave Thinking is all about, so I’m pleased to share an expanded version of my answer in this article, where I have a lot more space to work with!
The place to start is actually a complete reframe of the situation. The effective question to ask isn’t: “I’m not sure if I can do it, so how do I become sure?”
That’s a limiting question, because it starts from a place of trying to eradicate doubt. Which is like bailing water out of a boat with five holes in it.
Yet this question is actually the mainstay of most conventional advice on success, growth, and achievement!
Here’s how it goes for most people: We start from whatever half-formed, “sort of” desire we may be latched on to at the moment. And then we try to duct-tape enough hacks together to force a level of self-belief and follow-through that we simply don’t have.
- “Don’t have confidence? Say these affirmations to get it.”
- “Feeling incapable? Try this morning routine.”
- “Procrastinating? Give yourself a deadline.”
Now, my point isn’t that affirmations, morning routines, or deadlines can’t be effective tools for success. I’ve used all three!
My point is that when you make these things into the vehicle, the very engine of your success, then something deeper is missing.
If you see yourself in these words, allow me to lay out an alternative, unconventional path to getting what your heart desires!
Instead of asking “how do I become sure of myself?”, the question to ask is: “Is this truly what I would love?”
Not a would-be-nice-if. Not “that sounds pretty cool.” But would you love it? Does your life feel incomplete without it? Does imagining it fill your heart?
Not every possibility that passes through our minds is actually what we would love. They don’t all come from a deep alignment with our truest desires. Sometimes we just like the idea of something.
And yet, it can genuinely be tough to tell the difference. In the moment, when the idea of doing or having or achieving something has us in its thrall, it can seem quite real!
If you are having trouble teasing the two apart –– flights of fancy versus what your heart desires –– here are some questions to seriously reflect on:
- Am I pursuing this because it feels like a natural extension of who I am, or am I chasing it because I think I should want it?
- Would I still want this if no one ever knew about it or recognized me for it?
- How would I feel if I gave up this pursuit right now?
- Does this decision feel like it’s expanding me, or does it feel like it’s limiting or conforming me to someone else’s vision?
- Am I enjoying the process of the pursuit at all, or just gritting my teeth to reach the end result?
As you explore these questions, watch out for any reflexive tendencies to answer “correctly”, or to turn what is truthfully a fleeting desire into a strong, aligned one.
None of these are leading questions. It’s not “wrong” to say: “You know what? When I search my heart, I don’t want this.” It is actually a huge win to reach this honest conclusion. Because honesty, not effort, is the foundation of all success.
Remember: you are asking a question with a purposefully high bar. It’s not “what seems interesting?” It’s “what is my heart’s true desire?” Most things by definition will not be that. And that’s totally fine!
So, once you separate the nice-to-haves from what your heart desires to create or experience, reflect on why.
What does it mean to you? Sit in that feeling of loving it and imagine the version of your future where your dream is already a reality.
For instance, let’s say a dream that truly speaks to you is to become a highly influential author or speaker.
You could imagine a scene where you are being interviewed on a major podcast about your bestselling book and the world-changing message it contains.
Picture the expensive swivel chair you’re sitting on inside the recording studio. Imagine the weight of the sturdy, high-end microphone on the table in front of you. Hear the voice of the podcaster asking you detailed questions about what led you to write your book.
How does it feel that your dream has become reality?
What does this dream allow you to do, have, or create now that it’s come to fruition?
What about this dream is meaningful or important to you and who you are becoming?
This, too, may be tricky at first, because it’s possible that people you know have condemned this sort of thing as “daydreaming” or a pointless waste of time.
The truth is, it’s anything but! This kind of inspired visioning is literally the fuel that primes your mind to go out and build what you dream of. It is the very foundation of getting what your heart desires.
Contrary to conventional thinking, when it comes to creating what your heart desires, the cart always comes before the horse.
Finally, when that feeling of true alignment exists, remind yourself to take at least one “baby step” each day in the direction of your dream.
Baby steps will take you all the way up Mount Everest if you just keep taking them!
Whenever I’m building a dream, or I’m guiding someone who’s building their dream, I always come back to: do what you can, from where you are, with what you have.
That could be something very small, such as making a phone call, or purchasing a piece of software. But these seemingly insignificant actions create the foundation for everything else.
Those actions are the seeds that grow into the unstoppable momentum that carries us forward. And what’s counterintuitive is that this is actually even more important when we have big ambitions, or what I call MegaDreams.
If we’re not careful, our minds can trick us into feeling like whatever step we can actually take right now is too small to matter.
And that can quickly become an excuse to procrastinate until the perfect day, or the perfect conditions, or the perfect feelings. Some of us spend years waiting to “feel” ready to act.
Unfortunately, life never returns that time to us. So I recommend asking yourself, every step of the way, “what can I do, from where I am, with what I have?”
And above all, know this: you don’t need to force yourself to be confident. You just need to be honest about what you love.
If this article connected with you, I’d love to guide you through the little-known formula that’s responsible for ALL of the results you have in your life. The state of your love life, where you are in your career, your financial earning power, your physical health, even your creative output…
All of it is governed by the simple yet profound formula that I share in my new, free (and short!) masterclass: The Hidden Cause of Your Results.
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