It May Be Surprising, But the Way You Respond to Receiving Compliments Has a Lot to Do With the Amount of Abundance, Love, Health and Joy You Regularly Experience
So… you’re going after your dreams.
Good for you!
Whether your dreams include earning more money, attracting more clients, boosting your business sales, being healthier or improving your relationships, know this: You are worthy of your dreams.
However, there’s something you may want to consider: You may be subconsciously sabotaging your own success!
You see, there’s an (often hidden) internal resistance that keeps many people from creating and attracting the positive energy needed to fulfill their dreams.
The good news is that there’s a simple distinction you can make in order to move forward and make progress on your dreams much easier and in far less time.
Unconscious Blocks to Attracting Positive Energy
You have an internal set point that regulates how much positive energy you receive.
Much like a thermostat in your home, you have an internal thermostatic setting that’s been pre-programmed to receive a certain amount of positive energy.
According to an article written in Psychology Today, the set point theory of happiness suggests that a level of subjective well being is determined primarily by heredity and personality traits ingrained in us early in life, and as a result remains relatively constant throughout our lives.
Our levels of happiness and joy may change in response to life events, but then almost always returns to its baseline level as we become used to those events and their consequences over time.
Our brains LOVE habits and routines, so our set points usually also apply to our careers, the amount of money we make and even our relationships.
For example, you have a pre-programmed set point for the amount of positive energy you receive when it comes to your finances, romantic relationships, self-image, etc.
When you experience an increase in positive energy that exceeds your pre-programmed set point, this internal “thermostat” will kick in and attempt to adjust back to “normal.”
So, when you experience an amazing month at work, or go on an amazing vacation that leaves you feeling more relaxed and rejuvenated than ever, your set point will do everything it can to bring you back down to a feeling the way you do most of the time, because that’s what your brain is accustomed to feeling.
Maybe the following month at work will turn out to be not-so-great. Or perhaps you’ll be sick for the first couple of days you’re back from vacation.
Being aware of my internal set point ultimately helped me to improve my marriage
Before we knew about internal set points, my wife and I had what we call “Friday Night Fights.”
We would get along all week, eagerly anticipating Friday night, which was our scheduled date night.
However, when Friday night would finally come, we would inevitably find something to argue about, thus basically ruining date night and leaving both of us emotionally drained.
Usually, our arguments were about something minor, like the fact that one of us had failed to wash the dishes!
This happened so frequently that we began to notice a pattern.
That’s when we realized that, because we were anticipating the connection, fun and intimacy that we were going to have on our date, our internal set points were working hard to keep us from feeling too excited.
It was like we had one foot on the gas – we both wanted to drive our relationship forward and increase the intimacy, while at the same time, we had one foot on the brake.
The subconscious message that we were replaying to ourselves basically went something like:
“I’m not sure if I want to deepen the relationship or increase the intimacy. It might be too much for me to handle.”
The point here is that whenever you either experience or anticipate positive energy that’s outside the realm of your normal set point, you may find that you subconsciously have a tendency to sabotage it.
Accepting compliments better to attract more positivity
Are you a deflector or an acceptor?
To increase the positive energy that you allow into your life so that you can experience all the abundance, love, health and joy you desire, think about what happens when you receive a compliment or positive praise from somebody else.
Check in with yourself to see if you usually deflect or accept the compliment. The truth is that most of us have been taught to deflect compliments or praise.
Growing up, we watched how others responded to compliments, and we saw that they took the “humble” approach, which was to deflect.
For example, when someone would say,
“Hey, you did a great job on that presentation,”
they would immediately say,
“Well thanks, but what I really wanted to talk about was this, but I ran out of time,”
“Oh, I didn’t have time to really put the whole presentation together the way that I wanted.”
“Oh, I forgot this whole part.”
In other words, they would point to something that didn’t go right.
Or how about when someone would compliment another person on their clothes? A very common response would be to say something like,
“Oh, this old thing? No, it’s no big deal.”
They would minimize the compliment, which is another way to deflect.
I recently complimented my young daughter and was surprised by her response…
My daughter, Isabella, is not yet five years old.
Recently, we were eating breakfast, and I noticed she was wearing a beautiful dress that she had decided to wear to school that day.
I noticed because normally she wears casual clothes to school. So I turned to her and said,
“Isabella, you look beautiful. I love that flower dress that you have on.”
She looked down at her dress and she said,
“They’re just flowers”
and went back to eating. Needless to say, I was incredulous. I wondered how she had learned to deflect and I realized that this was most likely a learned behavior. Instead of remaining quiet, I took the opportunity to teach my daughter a lesson in receiving compliments.
“Honey,” I said, “When someone says you look beautiful, they’re giving you a compliment. And the best way to respond is to say, ‘Thank you for noticing.’ So why don’t we try that again?” She agreed, so I repeated,
“Honey, that’s such a beautiful dress you’re wearing. I love the flowers.”
This time, she responded by saying,
“Thanks for noticing, Dad.”
The reason I taught my daughter to accept compliments instead of deflect them is because deflecting reduces the amount of positive energy that you allow into your life.
To put it simply, compliments feed the best parts of you. Seeing and knowing the good in yourself is essential to overcoming any roadblocks to your dreams, and to living a life more in sync with what is truly meaningful to you.
As I did with my daughter, I invite YOU to shift the way you respond to praise.
The next time someone pays you a compliment, instead of deflecting, accept it by saying, “Thank you,” or, “Thank you for noticing.”
In addition, notice the part of you that wants to deflect and instead, create a space inside of yourself to receive even more positive energy.
When you say “Thank you for noticing,” feel yourself expand inside like a funnel that allows more positive energy from the universe into your life.
When you consciously allow more space for positive energy into your life, you will undoubtedly attract more wealth, love, opportunities, connection and intimacy into your life and accomplish your dreams with greater speed and ease that you’ve ever imagined.
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I have been saying “Thank you” after a compliment but passively!. Never really minded what one was saying! Now I will say “Thank you for noticing”. I will make noticing a virtue on the part of the compliment giver
KEVERNE EASON MAPP
I am very happy to have read this because the motivation we all have to create or do things well is to recieve compliments…yet our education pushes us to rebuff a compliment.
I began responding to compliments with a ‘Thankyou’ only a few years ago….and it WORKS!
Huge positive thankyou to you!
I love receiving compliments with grace and I also love to give genuine compliments and make the other person happy, thus raising everyone’s vibrations. Thanks for reinforcing the need to distinguish between being an acceptor and deflector.
yes i do thank you Matt appreciate all comments including those not so great however open .thank you again being open Estelle