3 Steps to Dealing With a Guy Who Suddenly Ghosts You and Stops Returning Your Texts and Phone Calls
We’ve ALL been there when someone we’ve been dating or flirting with sort of just disappears, and you’re left wondering what you did to drive the person away!
There’s no way around it… when someone ghosts on you like that, it sucks.
After coaching and mentoring thousands of smart, successful, single women for the last 10 years, I’ve found that when a guy they’re interested in pulls a Houdini, most women go into hard-core, forensic detective mode.
Can you relate? 😉
You try to figure out what you did or said that led him to change his mind about you and start ignoring you… and then, you start analyzing everything about your last interaction, just like it’s a crime scene.
You examine the evidence – you go over your texts and obsess over what you might have said to turn him off and make him pull away.
And then maybe a few days or a week goes by and your old paradigms (the stories you’ve historically told yourself) try to convince you that you did something wrong! Maybe you just weren’t funny enough, sexy enough, blah blah blah.
Before we dive into what might be going through his mind that leads to his decision to start ignoring you AND what you can do about it, I need to say one thing LOUD AND CLEAR…
And let this sink deep, deep into your consciousness!!
IT’S HARD TO SCREW UP THE RIGHT THING.
I repeat: It. Is. Hard. To. Screw. Up. The. Right. Thing.
Meaning, when you’ve met the right guy, things between you are going to just FLOW. And he’s going to engage. And pursue you actively! And NO, he’s not going to just randomly start ignoring you.
Okay, so what IS going through his mind when a man ignores you?
Alright, as always, I’m going to give it to you straight…
When a man ignores you, he’s NOT thinking about you.
I know it’s harsh but this is actually VERY empowering to know because you’ll actually have an accurate picture of what’s going on! When you can see a situation clearly, for what it is, you can proceed with A LOT less stress, anxiety and worry.
And there’s more good news! When a man ignores you, he’s NOT thinking about something you did wrong.
He’s not thinking,
“Man, she’s so smart and beautiful and funny… BUT, that one thing she said really made me change my mind about her! I’m going into ghost mode.”
Nope! None of that is what he’s thinking.
Instead, he’s thinking about his friends, his family, his job… his own life. And chances are, he’s also thinking about and texting other women, because if you weren’t exclusive, he was probably talking to women besides you from the beginning.
So again, here’s your loud and clear reminder: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
You didn’t screw it up and there’s nothing wrong with you. As you know, we all have a certain amount of interest and connection with people, and sometimes two people just don’t jive.
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So instead of fixating on what you did wrong with THIS guy, it’s time to move on to look for the next one… the right one.
Here are 3 simple but very empowering steps you can take when a man ignores you…
STEP #1: Remind yourself that with the right guy, things are easy
When it’s the right guy, there won’t be a chase, uncertainty or a tug-of-war.
I can’t tell you how many women who’ve taken my Manifest Your Man coaching program are SO used to guys who are vanishers, or who pull away, or who are just always in a state of up-and-down drama.
And then, when they shift their mindsets, attract better partners, and experience what a good, reciprocal relationship actually feels like, they always say, “Oh my gosh, this feels so natural! THIS is how it’s supposed to be. We’re texting back and forth naturally, he’s prioritizing me, and there are NO games.”
When it’s right, there’s a natural flow and ease, and that’s all there is to it.
So if it’s not flowing easily, you gotta let this guy go. You gotta make room for an AMAZING guy to come into your life. And I know that’s challenging, because it involves having faith that love IS coming to you.
Whatever kind of relationship you want, if you believe in your core you’ll have it… you will. And it will feel easy, mutual and rewarding.
STEP #2: Match his level of investment
There’s a natural human instinct to react in opposition to what you’re experiencing. For example, if someone is chasing you, you may have the instinct to pull away.
On the other hand, if someone pulls away from you, your instinct may be to chase them.
This is because we’re all susceptible to what’s called scarcity thinking, which means we sometimes want what we can’t have.
So here’s what I suggest: If he pulls away, match his level of investment, which means reducing your overall level of investment. If he stops calling or texting you, YOU stop calling or texting. Easy peasy.
This step is important because when you stop investing your energy in him, your subconscious mind will reduce his importance in your life, and you’ll have a greater overall sense of peace and calm about the whole situation… which is SO much better than the sense of panic that often accompanies chasing someone!
AND, here’s another great thing about this strategy – if you lower your investment, you’ll become more scarce to him, which will trigger his desire for you. And he might reappear!
So let’s say maybe he’s just been busy or distracted (this does happen sometimes). Well, then you’re going to find out real quick if he’s into you because he’ll come back around!
Not that I want you to bank on or hope for this, but really, the deal is that matching his level of investment is win-win all around for you!
STEP #3: Focus forward
This step is definitely the most important one, so let me explain what I mean by “focus forward.”
You want to focus on YOU. Your life and your future – not him or his. You want to put your energy and focus into opportunities on the horizon for YOU, and on living YOUR most amazing, passionate and fulfilling life.
And here’s why…
If you put all your focus on him, and he pulls away, you’ll begin to feel discouraged, maybe even depressed, and you will likely stop prioritizing the things that matter most to you.
But if you focus forward, on the amazing future you have in store for yourself, then better and better opportunities WILL come to you ‒ I promise this to be true!
When a man ignores you, he’s not interested in you… but someone else WILL be!
The high-quality man of your dreams is out there, and he’s looking for you, too.
You deserve to be treated like the amazing woman you are, and this just simply doesn’t involve being ignored.
So when you feel blown off by a guy, run through these three steps, as challenging as they may initially seem, and you’ll both empower yourself and create the space in your life for Mr. Right to step into.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU… and offer you a FREE gift to instantly boost your feelings of self-love and worthiness!
When a man you’re interested in pulls away from you and starts ignoring you, what strategies do you personally use to create more peace of mind?
Write your strategies in the comments section below – I’d love to hear from you!
And if you’d love to feel even more confidence and self-love in your journey to attracting the high-quality man of your dreams, download my FREE 21 Day Love and Affirmation Practice!