Have you ever been with a guy who suddenly told you he wasn’t sure he wanted to move forward? This article is going to give you a two-step formula to navigate this situation and deal with a questioning man!
So you’re dating somebody new, you’ve got great chemistry and everything seems like it’s progressing well…
But then he tells you he’s not sure he wants a relationship!
How you react to this situation could determine whether the relationship progresses into an incredible connection… or hits a dead-end rut neither of you can pull out of.
See, there’s a myth that many women buy into that actually damages the chances of a relationship progressing. That myth is what we’ll be discussing in this article, as well as what to do instead if you ever encounter a man who’s unsure of what he wants.
Let’s dive in…
Step 1 – Believe him!
It might sound obvious, but the first key to dealing with this situation is to believe him. It is not your job to try to convince him otherwise. No matter how much convincing you try to do, if you have already been dating each other, there’s nothing that you can say in that moment that will make him want the relationship any more than he already does.
The key here is to help him discover the truth of what he really wants!
And here’s where the myth comes into play. See, most women think that a man just needs more time. “He just needs more experience with me. If he gets more time and experience with me, then he’ll realize the truth. He’ll know that I’m awesome, and he’ll want a relationship with me”.
But forcing him to spend more time with you is like him saying, “I kind of like pecan ice cream every once in a while”, and you saying, “If you eat a gallon of this pecan ice cream, you’re going to fall in love with it and want to marry it.'” It just doesn’t work that way.
What causes a man to discover what he really wants isn’t more time. It’s actually more depth. He has to go deep inside himself to discover his own truth and work out how he really feels about you.
So what is it that gets him to go deep? This brings me to step 2…
Step 2 – Create urgency!
There’s one thing and one thing alone, that can make him go deep and find what he really wants…It’s the fear of loss. He has to come to the harsh reality that if he doesn’t choose you, some other guy will!
Here’s how the conversation can go (DISCLAIMER: feel free to put this concept in your own words. It’s important you feel authentic when delivering this message. And, if you’d like to know specifically what you can say, here you go…)
“I respect you and I want you to have everything you want for your love life. And I want a deep, committed, amazing relationship for my love life. That’s where I’m headed. I hope that will be with you. But if it’s not going to be with you, that’s okay. I’ll create it with somebody else. But that’s where my relationship is headed and this is where I stand.”
When you describe the situation that way, you paint a compelling vision for where your love life is going. You let him know that you would prefer it be with him, but if not, it’s going to be with somebody else.
This also creates urgency in his mind. He feels a fear of loss that will cause him to go deep and make a decision on what he really wants. It’s like you’re telling him that your boat is leaving to paradise and he’s either going to be on it or he’s not. Either way, that boat is leaving!
Phrasing in this way will cause him to start thinking, “Am I willing to risk losing this woman that I love?”
And from here, there’s two possible outcomes. Either he’s going to choose you and say, “I do love you. And I would want this relationship with you.”
Or he’s going to say, “I really don’t want a relationship right now.” And he’s going to clear himself from your life.
In either case, it’s a blessing because your boat is moving in the direction towards the relationship you want. It will either be with him or with someone even better.
And the truth is, you can’t scare off the right guy. If you say to him, “My boat is leaving”, and he’s not willing to fight for that relationship, then he wasn’t the right guy to begin with!
Remember, if you follow the phrasing I outlined above, I’ve no doubt it will help your man go deep, get clear, and make a decision on the relationship. Remember, whatever he decides, it will serve you in the direction of the relationship you actually want!
If you’re interested in understanding more about the triggers that make your man go deep, consider a future together, and crave a lasting connection, I encourage you to check out my free ebook on The 5 Feminine Qualities High-Quality Men Find Irresistible.
Now, I would love to hear from you…
What has worked in your life when you’re in a relationship where it’s stalled and the person you’re with is telling you, “Oh, I don’t know if I want to move forward. I don’t know if I want a relationship.” What kinds of conversations have you had that have been really effective? Go ahead and post those in the comment section below!