Have you ever made what felt like an innocent comment, only for him to get suddenly upset? In this article, we’ll discuss 5 phrases that make him feel insecure and what you can say instead to leave him feeling uplifted and happy to be with you.
Every man’s greatest relationship desire is to be your hero…
He deeply wants to be the man you desire and love more than anyone else.
And therefore, his biggest fear is inadequacy.
While none of us can control how someone else feels, we can certainly have a positive influence in their life. We can say things that uplift, inspire, and help people feel good. Or we can say things that discourage and tear people down.
Being aware of the power of your words and what phrases uplift or deflate your man can help you create the loving connection and amazing relationship you truly desire!
Today, we are going to explore phrases that women say (often by accident) that can bring out his insecurities. Knowing these phrases will keep you from making conversational mishaps in the future and help your man to feel confident in your relationship.
Again, this is not about protecting your man’s ego or having to walk on egg shells around your man. Instead, this is about knowing what concepts are natural triggers for him feeling confident vs feeling inadequate.
When you know what these are you can use them to create deeper and stronger connecting with your man.
Let’s jump in…
- “Let me ask my dad to fix this.” (or for advice).
Your man wants to be the go-to person in your life to help you solve problems. Saying “I should call my father, he’ll know what to do”, will cause your man to feel that you don’t trust him to do the job. For a lot of women, this isn’t so much about not trusting their man, it’s just a habit (Muscle memory if you like).
Growing up, your father was likely the masculine energy in your life that fixed problems, and that’s easy to get used to. But in a relationship, your man draws much of his worth from his ability to help you. Try to get into the habit of asking your man for advice first, and if needed, (ie, your man doesn’t have the skills to fix the sink), then delegate the issue to your dad or a someone who has said skills.
- “My guy friend is the best!”
Men do not want to hear about how awesome your guy friend is, or how strong your trainer is, or how funny your zumba teacher is. Even though you are not comparing your man to this other person, your man will most likely be comparing himself to them in his mind.
I encourage you to share that stuff with your girlfriends instead. Save your man the comparison despair. And if you really do want to share something about another man, shift your compliment to the specifics of what the other man said or did. Instead of saying, “He’s so awesome”, try explaining what he did that was awesome. This is an easy way to convey the same message without your partner feeling any lesser.
- “Well, then maybe we should just break up!?
In some arguments, couples might say things like: “If you say this again, I’m outta here”. Or, maybe “This isn’t working out between us”.
But while there are times to bring up the break up conversation, they should only be used when you are seriously ready to break up. A casual break up threat like those above are toxic and will put your relationship on shaky ground.
If you or your man are prone to using these sorts of threats in casual arguments, decide to make them off limits for the future. You’ll both be much better off for it.
- “You’re not doing it right.” (in bed)
The bedroom can be a huge source of insecurity for men. Most men have not taken a class in female anatomy. If they are getting it right it’s because they’ve learned through trial… and a lot of error!
So to help him save face if your man is doing something you don’t like, you can phrase your dissatisfaction differently.
Instead of telling him he’s not doing a good job, ask him to do it the way you want it done. You can say things like, “When you touch me like this, that really turns me on”. Or even “That’s the spot!” This will not only encourage and excite him, but also direct him in the future!
- “Be a man.”
This is the Granddaddy of all insecure statements. The arrow to the heart of his manhood. No man wants to hear his woman say this. What this statement insinuates is that he’s not being a man right now. And that idea is not going to feel good to any man.
The major problem with this is that most men don’t even know what you mean by the phrase, “be a good man”. You’re saying this because there’s some expectation you have in your mind about what a man should be or do. But he may have no idea what that expectation is! So instead of saying “be a man”, tell him exactly what you want him to do.
And when he does do something that makes you happy, the best compliment you can give him is: “You do a great job of being my man”
When you say something like this, he’s going to be thinking to himself “Wooo! I measured up to the man she wants”
Remember that while it’s important to avoid saying the things that will make your partner insecure, it’s equally vital that you make sure to verbally appreciate him on a regular basis.
If you’re interested in learning more about the phrases that light him up and spark his flame even more, check out my ebook on the 15 Phrases that Ignite Desire in a Man. These are bound to get him hot under the collar and fill him with excitement and confidence for your future together!
Now I ask this question to you…
Are there any phrases men say that you’ve found make you feel insecure? What would you love to hear instead?