Here are several common words to stop using (and what to use instead) to help you generate the results you truly desire in your life.
Many clients seek out life coaches and mentors when they feel stuck in one or more areas of their life, desiring major change but not knowing quite how to make it happen.
One of the very best starting points and pieces of wisdom you can provide your clients is teaching them to have reverence for the power of words and language.
The words we choose to speak are tremendously powerful in impacting our experience of our life, both positively and negatively.
The Power of Words is Transformative
When we say positive, empowering things to ourselves or to others, even if we don’t fully believe them at first, our subconscious interprets them as true.
And so we begin positively impacting our life and the lives of those around us almost immediately! In this way, the words we choose have the power to shape our reality for the better.
If you’re not currently experiencing the results in life that you truly desire, here are just a few of the simple words and phrases that I’m sure you already use on a daily basis, and once you swap these phrases for more positively charged words, you can manifest amazing changes in your life!
Here are few examples of certain words to use instead of others as taught at Brave Thinking Institute training in order to empower ourselves to achieve our greatest dreams.
I highly encourage you to share these “language swaps” with your clients or anyone you care about and witness the changes that take place in finding more power and a greater sense of being alive!
LANGUAGE SWAP #1: Use “love to” instead of “should,” “must,” “need,” and “have to”
In an attempt to be more disciplined and follow through with goals, we often adopt language that is demanding of ourselves, which can unintentionally cause pressure, shame and panic within us.
For example, saying “I need to exercise” makes exercise seem like a chore, a job or even a punishment, instead of an act of self care. It makes it sound like exercising is something we most definitely do not want to do, but should feel shame for not doing.
Words like “should,” “must,” “need,” and “have to” are constrictive words because they minimize our own power.
They suggest that we are at the mercy of certain obligations, instead of in charge of our choices.
But when we say, “I would love to exercise,” we are thinking expansively and embracing a goal with positivity and drive. It’s much more motivating to do something we love, so we’re much more likely to follow through.
Always approach your goals from a place of love and speak this love loudly! You’ll be much more motivated to tackle them!
A Deep Dive on Using The Word “Should”
Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Many of us live our lives according to someone else’s idea of what our life should look like. Without realizing it, we can get caught up in trying to fulfill other people’s expectations of what we should feel, say and do, instead of tuning in to what we authentically want to express in this one precious life of ours. Perhaps your heart is pulling you in a completely different direction vocationally, but you think,
I should just be happy with what I have! It’s irresponsible or greedy to want more.
You may have a clearly defined, inspiring dream that you want to pursue, such as starting their own business or nonprofit, writing a book or traveling the world, but you’ve turned your back on your dream, because you believe that you should be doing something else. This is very, very common. So how can you stop “shoulding” all over your life? Life coaches may hear clients say things like:
- I should stay at this job even though I’m not happy doing what I’m doing, because I need health insurance. The benefits, man!
- I have to look for the kind of relationship partner that my parents would approve of.
- I must postpone my dream of _______, because I should focus on these other areas of my life that need attention right now.
When clients say things like this, it’s a red flag that they are living according to other people’s expectations. Any time we come from the frequency of should, we are essentially relying on something or someone outside of ourselves to tell us how to live our lives, instead of just living into what we would truly love to have, be and do. There’s a passage in Dr. Seuss’ timeless classic, Oh The Places You Will Go that goes like this:
You have brains in your head, You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know, And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.
As this passage states, you get to choose your own path in life! As a reminder, the language swap for “should” is to substitute, “I want to,” or “I choose to.” For example:
I should stay at this job even though I’m not happy doing what I’m doing, because I need health insurance.
This can be changed to:
I choose to stay at my current job for 12 more months, while I invest my evenings and weekends in exploring what else I’m passionate about that I can build a career around in future.
When you reframe “should” statements in this more empowering way, you are no longer thinking and acting as though your circumstances are more powerful than you are… which creates space for new possibilities and more liberating ways of thinking and being to emerge.
LANGUAGE SWAP #2: Use “investment” instead of “cost”
If you make mindful, informed purchases or purchases that bring you or others joy, then you are always investing your money in the greater good.
The same goes for investments of your time and energy. When we get hung up on the “cost” or “price” of something, we are immediately operating from a mindset of scarcity – focusing on the deficit or sacrifice that will come with spending money, time or energy instead of on the benefits and gains.
This way of thinking can actually prevent us us from experiencing freedom and flow in our lives! Investments, on the other hand, give back to us. They fulfill us!
The more positive energy and gratitude we bring to our investments of time, money and energy, the greater abundance of time, money and energy we’ll attract!
So the next time you find yourself thinking about how much time, money, or energy you are “spending,” reframe your language to emphasize the benefits of what you’re investing in.
LANGUAGE SWAP #3: Use “manifest” instead of “luck”
Just as there is no such thing as a coincidence, there is really no such thing as luck.
Good timing can help you see and take advantage of opportunities in life more efficiently, but the fact is, those opportunities are not the result of luck, they’re a result of your choices!
Just like using the word “excited” suggests that you didn’t expect a specific outcome, “luck” suggests that you didn’t have a hand in it.
Luck is an external force we believe happens to us, which minimizes the hard work and actions we take to create the results we desire.
Remember, we all have a power in us far greater than any circumstance, situation or condition, and with that power we can create or manifest the results we desire.
LANGUAGE SWAP #4: Use “plan” instead of “want”
When you say you want something, whether tangible or intangible, you are speaking from a place of lack, using the language of scarcity.
You are also suggesting that you believe what you desire might not be fulfilled, which means you are subconsciously and subtly setting yourself up for failure. But when you replace “want” with “plan,” you are anticipating fulfillment and accomplishment.
You are telling yourself and the Universe that you believe in yourself, and this confidence in yourself will attract more opportunities and fuel your drive to take them.
Notice the difference in power between the follow sentences:
I want to buy a house vs. I plan to buy a house.
Notice which one has intention behind the sentence. The first sentence emphasizes the house you don’t have, while the second suggests that you will buy one.
Similarly, try replacing the word “hope” in your daily usage with “expect” or “believe in.” Much like “want,” the word “hope” suggests a desire that might not come true! Instead, if you expect a desired outcome, you are well on your way to creating it.
Your words become your actions and your actions shape your life
Clients who want to make major life changes but don’t know where to start or which actions to take can begin by re-patterning their language. And it’s the easiest first step ever!
Swapping out constrictive words suggesting scarcity and doubt for empowering ones communicating expansion, faith and follow through takes only enough effort to stop, notice your word choice, and modify accordingly.
It takes only a matter of seconds. In this way, recognizing the power of words is the first actionable step for your clients to take towards generating the results they’re seeking!
A Subtle, Damaging Language Habit
That habit is this: being “honest” about a given situation, as it is now.
- I’m too busy.
- I’m tapped out.
- We don’t have the money for that right now.
- I don’t have time for that.
It can seem like you’re simply telling the truth, but at the same time, you’re also sending a message to your subconscious, the people around you, and the universe as a whole that you don’t believe in the abundance you’re working to create.
You see, the power of words is greater than you may know. When you tell your subconscious that that’s the way things are, it will not only believe you, but it will interpret that declaration as a command to make what you’re saying a reality!
After all, nobody likes to feel like a liar, even if that “lie” is simply having more money or free time than they said they expected to have.
So if you say you’re busy or tapped out, you’ll unconsciously work to make your statement remain true.
Changing weak words into power words
Here are two ways you can change both your words and what your words attract.
1. Every time you start to make a statement that you don’t want to be true, replace the part you don’t like with a word you want to be your new reality.
One example is a coach who started saying he was “busy,” and as a result, he soon discovered that he was working 30% longer than he used to, but getting no more results. When he began to say he was “productive,” instead, he got 30% more done without utilizing the extra 30% of his time.
Now, there may be times when you think you have to use the “truth” of your present circumstances as justification when you say “no” to someone. The reality is, you don’t owe them that explanation.
If someone wants more of your time, money or anything else than you’re willing to give, you have the right to simply say “no,” without having to claim something negative in your life in order to explain your decision.
2. Rewire your mind with daily visualizations.
Write down 4 categories: love and relationships, vocation, time & money freedom, and health & well-being.
In each of these categories, write about the life you want to create, in the present tense, as if it’s already happening.
When you’re doing this, talk only about the things you want, and not the things you want to be rid of. For example:
I’m so happy and grateful that I’m making $200,000 a year, and clients and money come to me frequently and easily.
Make sure not say, “I’m no longer poor,” or, “I don’t have to struggle to get clients anymore.”
Those statements focus your subconscious on being poor or struggling to get clients.
The point of this exercise is to wire your subconscious to believe that good things are happening in your life, so that that becomes the truth with which it works to align your life.
For more information on exploring these four quadrants of life and how to design a life you’d love, Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder Program does an excellent job of explaining each in detail.
Using Language to Explain Life Coaching
The following are specific examples from the life coaching industry of how language can detract and repel potential clients and people interested in life coaching services.
If you’re a coach, when you write or speak to a potential client, do you find yourself using abstract words that you understand fairly well, but the person you’re talking to doesn’t seem to get what you’re saying at all?
As a life coach, you’ve probably said words and phrases like:
- Subconscious blockages
- Money consciousness
- Growth vs. fixed mindset
- The Law of Attraction (plus the other ten universal laws of success!)
These words are probably so familiar that they’ve become a natural part of your vocabulary.
But when you go to market your expertise, have you found that the people you’re speaking don’t understand what you’re talking about?
People may know what “energy” and “vibrations” are in a general or scientific sense, but all too often they won’t understand what these concepts have to do with helping them create the life they desire.
And they may not know – or be ready to admit – that they even HAVE subconscious blockages, much less be willing to pay to have you remove them.
When you slip into saying things like, “tapping into the energy of success,” and “raising your vibration,” it may sound good to a life coach, but unless you’re speaking to a REALLY well-educated audience – and sometimes even then – phrases like those won’t inspire anyone to take action!
Simply put, beware of jargon.
This is insider, industry speak and can alienate the very person you’re trying to invite to work with you, simply because you ignored the power of words, proper foundation and context.
So, how do you catch people’s attention and help them to understand life coaching in terms that are relevant to them?
Instead of the root cause, talk about the symptoms. In practical, tangible, everyday terms, what effect do the problems and solutions you deal with have on your clients and their lives?
The power of language when explaining life coaching as a service
Here are three tips for translating your important but abstract message into something your clients will identify with and respond to.
1. Talk about the effect on a person’s senses and emotions.
For example, if their vibrations are raised, they’ll feel more confident and energetic. They’ll be excited about getting out of bed in the morning, and they’ll feel hopeful and enthusiastic about the coming day. They’ll see the difference in the way people react to them; happy, healthy people will be drawn to them, making it easier to create good friendships, relationships and business connections.
2. Paint a picture with words.
When you’re discussing their problems, don’t talk about invisible, subconscious blockages. Instead, you could talk about how your client feels when they’re lying in bed in the morning, knowing they need to drag themselves into the cold air to go to a soul-sucking job, but having no energy or motivation left to do it.
They know they have bills waiting on the table, but they also know that they don’t have enough money in the bank or their paycheck to cover them.
To make matters worse, the children’s dance recital is sitting on the calendar, staring at them in glaring red letters. They promised to attend, but they just don’t have the time.
The kids will be so disappointed. If only they could change all that… Paint the picture of them imagining waking up full of excitement and energy, eager to greet the day because they know they’ll spend it doing work they love.
They got all their bills paid yesterday, so today they have plenty of time to attend their children’s recital, and money left over to take them out for ice cream afterward.
3. Show someone the larger, longer-term benefits that the first benefits will create.
Because of their increased energy, confidence and focus, the client whose vibrations you helped raise will make a better impression on their bosses, clients and coworkers, complete their projects more efficiently, and get paid better.
Perhaps they can hire an assistant to free up some of their time, so they can be with their families more.
Or, they’ll attract the people, money and circumstances they need to help them transition into a better job or start a business of their own.
Because they’re spending more time with their children, those children will grow up happier, more emotionally healthy, and less likely to get in trouble later on in life.
Increased quality time with their spouse will also contribute to helping their marriage flourish – you might even save them from divorce! In summary, when you’re speaking or marketing to your potential clients, remember this guiding principle: sell them what they know they want, then teach them what you know they need.
Would you love to know more about life coaching as an industry and how to powerfully change more lives by coaching others?
Brave Thinking Institute is now hosting a free online workshop with bestselling author and Master Coach, Mary Morrissey, where you’ll discover:
- The 4 pillars your life coaching business MUST have in order to powerfully serve clients and earn you an abundant income (leave just one of these pillars out, and the success you desire will always elude you).
- How to attract the motivated, positively-minded DREAM CLIENTS you’d most love to work with… instead of allowing “scarcity thinking” to run the show, and relentlessly promoting your services to anyone and everyone who crosses your path.
- The #1 most important step you can take right now to generate massive impact, influence and income as a life coach (no matter your age or level of experience) – and in a fraction of the time that it takes most other coaches.
Thank you so much for the wise words my friend, this is the kind of messages i aspire to hear as at times things can get in the way of our aspirations and we loose focus.
What a caring,loving lady whose reach extends,thankfully,all over this world.i can’t imagine life without Mary Morrissey.my angel from heaven who makes life worth living.I love & need you in my life Mary.God blesses us with you,may He bless you twice as much sweet lady.always thankful for you,Clyde Glenn
My husband sent me this. I love speaking richly but struggle when it comes to communicating with him at times. Thank you for this wisdom. Appreciate it. Enjoy this wonderful day.
Just reading about the power of words now, just transformed my world. So grateful
I always love to hear from you. Your words enrich the lives. Thank you Mary for being that person
You have given me hope for a brighter tomorrow! Thank You! ?
Its 3.05 am and here I am reading your powerful encouranging mail.
Thank you Mary
I will love plan expect invest and manifest in my daily language from today on.
great inspiration. thank you for the help.
Thanks for reminding me to speak consciously, and adding to my repertoire. I’ve been exercising the rule to eliminate expressions of should and must for decades.
Another I’d like to share is to eliminate “I’ve forgotten” or “can’t remember” a place, a word, a name. Instead use “at the moment I’m remembering” and “it will come to me very soon”.
At 88 i am without words,just feelings that i can run a mile
thank you ..thank you
Thank you for teaching me about this all things because my life is so mesed up
Thank you jesus
CHRISTINA I ANDRIANOPOULOS
We are so accustomed to using keywords and phrases for digital marketing or in online searches. This article highlighted how important the use of words and phrases are to defining our reality from a negative outcome to a positive one. I pride myself to being higher level enlightened and this article helped me become aware of how I subconsciously still sabotage my success to a positive life.
Thank you Mary for the reminder of how powerful words are! I especially love the term “invest,”I can clearly see and feel the vibration of that word. I am so grateful for all of your powerful insights and messages. Your the best!
Nancy A Fairbrother
Thank you, Mary! As usual, a powerful reminder of who we really are.
This inspire me a lot
Thank you so much my dear I am very much appreciated
Thanks I happen to get this email while sitting at my desk the first 15 miniutes of being at work while reading daily affirmations. It was right on time and I would like to beleive my angels had a a hand in this. I am happy to have gotten this information this morning it is every thing I need and even a confirmation that I need to just go for what I really want to do. Thank you so much I am born to be a speaker to help people.
Thank you Mary for changing my language this morning. I now trust my day is going to be productive and filled with love ?. So very grateful ?
Thanks you my may problem I am not spaik English,I am refuige,l come from centre Africa republic I arrive in Australia trere months I go to school a tafe
every time I read your comments I am motivated inspired and wants to join you in all the endeavor you make a life of people successful.Thank you from my heart.
Thank you Mary! As always your inspiring words keep me on the right track moving forward.
This was amazing, I love the wisdom offered here.
Wow, I really excited to learn new empowering powerful words from you. I happy to learn more from you.
Blessing to you and your team.
As always the information that Mary shares is invaluable in changing me to live a higher and more fullfilling life. I’m sedning this essay to several friends and family members and I’m going to type it and carry it with me …. in 2018 I expect my life to change for the brilliant and star studded in all four areas. Thank you Mary!!!
Thank you Mary for your commitment to making our lives and the world a better place. We truly appreciate you!
Thanks for life altering words.
This was helpful thank you