If he’s growing distant, less available for connection, acting uninterested and taking longer than usual to reply to messages… Should you keep putting energy into the relationship?
Most women have experienced it at least once in their lives…
They’ve been talking to a new guy for some time, everything’s going well and then, out of the blue, he suddenly acts completely uninterested!
You had high hopes that this might finally be it… but then he starts to feel distant and vague, or even starts ghosting you completely, leaving you thinking “What the heck?”
Related: What to do when a man ignores you
It’s frustrating, but one of the hardest moments in a relationship like this is to realize when it’s time to let it go.
Today we’re going to look at two scenarios where this might happen, and we’ll discuss a strategy to help you decide if you should keep trying with him, or if you should move on.
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Let’s dive in…
Scenario 1 – The new relationship
In the first scenario, let’s imagine you’re with a new man and you haven’t been together for that long when suddenly he starts acting vague.
In this scenario, we’re going to use one key principle as a guiding light…
Invest in a partner, not in potential.
In other words, act as though your relationship has a bank account… if the credits paid into the account were in the form of actions (time together, gifts, compliments), what portion of that account would be from him, and what would be from you?
A partner is someone who matches your investment, they are in this with you, and you’re both pouring love and effort into the relationship.
There’s an important trap to watch out for here…
Because when you really like someone, and they aren’t putting effort into the connection, it’s easy to think, “If I can just get him to start investing like me, it’s going to be an amazing relationship!”
This is actually a common thinking trap many women face because they end up waiting around for a man to change!
If you look at your relationship bank account with this guy, and it’s primarily your actions that have filled it up…
This is a strong indicator that you should let him go. As painful as it might seem at the time, you can, and will find another amazing guy who will pour into you as much as you are pouring into him.
Related: Is he wasting your time?
Scenario 2 – The committed relationship
Ok so the above can help bring clarity to a new relationship, but what if you’ve been in a committed relationship for some time and you’re way more invested?
Maybe you’ve hit some bumps recently and he’s acting distant, but the bank account has A LOT of deposits from both of you…
How do you tackle THIS situation? In this scenario, we’re going to use one key question as the guiding light:
Is he willing to work on it?
The truth is, you can’t fix a relationship entirely on your own, it has to come from both sides.
So I encourage you to have conversations with him where you bring up your vision for how you want the relationship to look.
And if you think it’s needed, ask him if he’s willing to read some relationship books, or if he would go to couple’s counseling with you.
If he refuses these things and doesn’t seem to want it to get any better, it’s time to start thinking whether this is a healthy, supportive relationship… Or whether it’s a toxic or abusive one.
If you decide it’s the latter, just remember that you CAN always leave, no matter how late you are in the relationship.
If it’s not right, don’t be afraid to admit that to yourself and take the appropriate steps to move on with your life.
A free tool to get you through
Do you have more clarity in your current situation? Often when things aren’t working out, we blame ourselves entirely for the mistake, and that’s where self esteem can plummet.
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Now let me ask you, what signs have you seen in previous relationships that told you you should keep trying with him or that it was time to move on?
Help our community of women and share your thoughts below!